The X Factor that can Make or Break Your Message's Impact

0:00 You're listening to the Nonprofit Power Podcast. In today's episode, we reveal the X factor that can make or break your message's impact. So stay tuned. If you wanna have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place. I'm Kath Patrick, and I've helped dozens of progressive Nonprofit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter.

0:40 It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are, to have them seeking you out as an equal partner and to have them. Bringing opportunities and resources to you. This podcast will help you do just that. Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast. Hey there folks. Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast. I'm your host, Kath Patrick. I'm so glad you're here for today's episode.. It is no secret that engagement is the key to influence. We talk about it all the time.

1:21 We've also talked a lot about how and why information and data are not engaging on their own. We know great messaging is essential, but there's another piece. The biggest secret to engagement and therefore the secret to having your message land with impact is you. You can have fantastic core messaging and still mess up the engagement piece. And when that happens, when the messaging is good, but the engagement fails, that is almost always caused by bringing the wrong energy, vibration frequency to the encounter. It happens more often than you'd think.

2:01 And there are some very specific reasons why it tends to happen. That's what we're gonna explore today, and help you do things a little bit differently. So that you can consistently bring the kind of energy and vibration and frequency that is going to engage. Engagement is all about the energy you bring. And the energy you bring depends on a bunch of things that are going on internally. We tend to think that messaging and engagement is all about external strategy and stuff. And strategy is super important. We talk about that a lot and it's a big part of what I teach inside my coaching programs.

2:43 But we also spend a lot of time on the internal stuff. And a huge piece of the internal work is managing your energetic state and being really conscious and intentional with that. When you're going to engage a decision maker, a big part of your energetic state is going to be driven by the results that you're envisioning and expecting. Whatever it is that you're expecting outta this encounter. How you're expecting it's gonna go, how they're gonna behave with you, whether they're gonna say yes, how big of a yes it's gonna be, all of that. Your expectations about all of that, your anticipation about that is going to show up in your energy.

3:28 And it's going to show up in your voice. And they're gonna read both of those things loud and clear. It absolutely matters what words are coming outta your mouth. You want your messaging to be strategic and tight and designed and structured to engage the decision maker. And we've talked about those strategies a lot lately. But if your energy and your voice don't match the messaging, guess which one they're gonna pay attention to? It's not the words. All of us humans are wired to read all the nonverbal cues. It's how we survive. It's how we stay alive, it's how we read situations and keep ourselves safe.

4:10 That's what your subconscious is designed to do. So it's really good at picking up on energy, on vibration, on frequency, on your emotional state. People are picking up on that all over the place, and decision makers are picking up on that. And how they react to you is going to have at least as much to do with all of that as it is to your messaging. And I would go a step further and say that in fact, if your energy is off, if you are coming in with negative expectations, they will react to that more than they will react to the content of your messaging.

4:52 So we have to pay really close attention to this. Now, that doesn't mean get all weird and get all in your head about this. We're gonna talk about how you manage your emotional state and your energy when you're in an encounter with a decision maker, and that in turn will show up in your voice. I see this play out in all different kinds of settings with my clients, but I also see it playing out in daily life. Because this is humans interacting with humans, and it affects all of us in all interactions. And I'm gonna talk about both'cause I think looking at both angles of that will help you kind of get your head around this and understand how powerful the impact is.

5:34 And how capable we are of consciously choosing the energy we're going to bring and the emotional state we're going to operate from in any setting. Even settings that feel emotionally fraught, that feel scary, that feel like there's a big power imbalance. All those things. All those things that are going on a lot of times when we're engaging a decision maker. We can actually choose our emotional state. We can choose the energy we bring. And we'll talk about how we do that. But first I wanna share some examples of how this shows up, to help you start to recognize perhaps where it's been showing up for you. Let's talk about some of the ways and places this tends to show up in conversations with decision makers.

6:18 Here's where I notice it comes up most often. It's when the conversations are about money, about investment in your program or your work. It comes up when you're trying to create a new relationship in a decision making structure where you're not totally sure who's in charge, and it all feels a little uncertain. It happens when you're seeking a policy change from a decision maker, and maybe it's a really big policy change and so it's asking a lot. In all those kinds of settings, that's when things tend to go off the rails. So let's talk about money for a couple reasons. One, it's on every Nonprofit leader's mind.

7:00 And two, it's probably the most emotionally freighted conversation that there is in general. When we go to talk to a decision maker with an ask for an investment in our work, there are typically a lot of emotions running in the background around all aspects of this ask. Particularly now, it is quite normal for folks to be feeling a lot of fear and worry and doubt. Because the Nonprofit sector is under attack and individual nonprofits funding is under attack. People have dealt with massive reductions. There's chaos, there's uncertainty. There's a lot of reasons to feel fear and doubt and worry about money.

7:43 So, first of all, let me be clear that I am not suggesting that you shouldn't feel those feelings, or you should pretend you don't feel those feelings. They're there. So let's talk about how that will come up. If you come into a conversation with a decision maker to ask for a big investment in your work. And the thoughts and beliefs that are running in the background are, oh my God. We really need this money. What if they say no? I wonder, oh geez, is this too big an ask? Maybe we should tone it down'cause we really need to make sure we get something from them. We don't wanna scare'em off with too big an ask. Nah, nah, nah, nah. And I don't know, they're not smiling. Does that mean that we shouldn't ask for as big an amount?

8:24 I don't know. And what if we don't get this money? What if they don't give us anything? Then we're screwed. What are we gonna do? Ah! So there's all of that running around. That batch of squirrels are running around in the thoughts cage. And maybe running around in the beliefs cage are some squirrels that are saying things like, well, you know, this type of decision maker tends to be pretty stingy. They're probably not gonna say yes to a lot from us. And then there's the emotions of the doubt and the fear and the worry. If you come into that conversation with that decision maker with that emotional state, with that set of thoughts and beliefs running actively in the background. What do you imagine that does to your energetic state?

9:07 And how do you imagine the decision maker will perceive that? They will pick up on it. I promise you that, If they're picking up on that, what are the chances of them getting excited about your work and wanting to invest at the high level that you're hoping to get? What do you think the chances of that are? Probably not great. Versus if you come in with the other set of emotions that you also feel about your work and about investing in your work. I grant that the doubt and the worry and the fear and all those thoughts and beliefs that go with it are there. But what else is there is the passion you feel for the work that you do, for the people you help, for the impact that your work makes.

9:53 And the extremely high value that that impact has, not only in the lives of the individuals that are helped, but for the community as a whole. That it's tremendously valuable. It's a huge impact. And as an investment, it's a no-brainer. In fact, we probably should be asking for twice what we're asking for because this is so valuable! I know that somewhere in your heart and your head, you've got that set of emotions and that set of thoughts and beliefs also attached to your work, and the idea of investing in your work. How differently do you imagine you might show up in a conversation with a decision maker, depending on which of those sets of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions you are operating from?As you walk in the door?

10:44 How different would your energetic state be? How differently do you suppose the decision maker would respond to each of those energetic states? And here's the thing, the other thing we have to really be aware of, is that energy is contagious. And we know this from our own experience. Everybody's got somebody in their world who's kind of a Debbie Downer, right? No matter what's going on, even if things are going okay in their life, they always find the thing to complain about. You ask'em how it's going and they don't mention the three things that are going well. They zero in on the one thing that isn't, and they're gonna tell you all about it. And they're gonna just complain.

11:25 If there's a chance to complain or a chance to tell you this bad story, they're gonna find it. I would also bet that you probably tend to avoid that person because of what happens to your energetic state when you're with them. When someone is operating from such a negative, depressed energetic frequency, they pull other people down into it. And it doesn't feel good. You get pulled into that and it feels lousy. You're like, oh God. I was feeling pretty good till I sat down and talked to Debbie Downer. And now, geez, I think I need a nap. (sigh). The same thing happens with decision makers because they're humans.

12:08 Now, the flip side of that is when someone is habitually bringing, not toxic positivity and everything's great no matter what all the time. That's not helpful. But someone whose energetic frequency tends to be high. And they're always looking for the bright side of the challenge, right? They're like, well, you know, this is a challenge, but we can handle it. Let's figure out how, let's move forward. That kind of positivity, not the. Oh, let's just pretend everything's great as the world is burning down. That's not helpful. But the other kind, the energetic state that remains high. In a doing state, in a let's get stuff done state, and we can do it.

12:50 That tends to attract people to them who want to do things too. So we know from our own experience how we react to different energetic states, and we know how contagious it can be. If we want the decision maker to say yes to our big ask, what do you suppose is gonna be the best approach? Should we come into the conversation with fear and doubt and worry running in the background? Or should we come into the conversation with, this is an amazing investment. What do you suppose is the better play? What do you suppose is going to raise that decision maker's energetic frequency and put them in a place where they wanna work with you?

13:37 So here's the thing. The most important piece to know of all of this is that we can choose. It does not mean that we pretend the full range of emotions isn't there. That's not the point. We are humans. We're gonna have all the feels all the time. They're all over the place. We can't help it. That's the human condition. We're gonna have all the feels. But what we get to choose is the set of thoughts and beliefs and the emotional state and the energetic state that we are going to operate from in a given setting. That is a choice. To say yes. I feel the fear. I feel the doubt.

14:18 I feel the worry. It is all there. But I also feel the passion and I feel the certainty of the value of this investment. And I know that if this decision maker would get on board with us, we could do amazing things together. That's what I'm gonna choose to take into that room. And I'm gonna operate from that the entire time. Because all that stuff will still be waiting. It's there. I'm not pretending it's not. I'm just saying take a back seat'cause you're not helping me right now. It's like the kids fighting in the backseat on the road trip. They need to just sit down and watch a movie because you're busy driving the car somewhere great.

14:58 And the kids just need to chill out in the back. Same thing with the negative thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that could pull your energetic state down if you allowed them to drive the car. So some tricks for this, right? 'Cause like, oh, sure, Kath, and how am I supposed to do that when I wake up every morning completely freaked out about the budget for my organization? Or completely freaked out about the policy disaster that's unfolding or whatever the thing is that's on your plate. One of the best pieces of advice that was ever given to me captures the concept perfectly, which is to operate from the belief that the outcome you desire is already yours.

15:40 It's already done. It's going to be a yes. That's not even in question. There's gonna be a yes. Operate from the belief that the outcome you want is yours. It's going to happen. That kind of confidence is essential to having those kinds of conversations. It allows no room for fear and doubt and worry. And here's the other thing. If you're anticipating that they're gonna say no, they will hear that in your voice. They will perceive it in your energy. Even if you never say anything of the kind, they will pick up on it. Some very practical tips of what not to do that I see happen way too often.

16:20 And I know that people do this from a place of thinking it's helping them, but it doesn't. It's doing the exact opposite of what you hope it's doing. Don't engage in self-deprecation. Don't put down your expertise, your knowledge, your anything. I have observed a CEO who does this routinely, and it makes me nuts. They will consistently get in a room with high level decision makers and say things like, well, I know I'm not the smartest person in the room. And well, you know, I didn't do that great in school, but blah, blah, blah. And it's like, why would you say that?

17:01 I know what they think they're doing. What they think they're doing is being humble. And giving the other person a chance to sort of feel superior and build themselves up. But how do you hear that? If somebody's coming to you as an expert who is asking you to invest money or invest time and energy in a policy change. And they preface their pitch by saying, well, you know, i'm not the smartest person in the room and I didn't get that far in school. Basically what they're saying is, so don't take me that seriously. And you know what's really going on. They will tell you that what they're doing is being humble. But what's really going on subconsciously is they are preparing for rejection.

17:47 They are expecting rejection. They fear that rejection. And they are insulating themselves against it by beating the other guy to the punch and saying, see, you don't have to tell me I'm a dummy. I told you myself. Now as an engagement strategy, when you want them to do something for you. You tell me. I've never seen it work. In fact, I've seen it do exactly what you might suspect it would do. So no self-deprecation, no minimizing of your knowledge or your expertise or the value of your work. Don't minimize anything. No begging. I know you wouldn't literally do that. But here's the thing to be really alert to.

18:29 When that fear and worry start to creep in, especially when there's money involved. what you'll hear in the voice sounds desperate. It sounds like pleading. And that's not what you're doing. You are offering the opportunity for the best investment this person is ever gonna make. It's a brilliant investment. Not something that you hope they'll find it in their heart to give something to. And here's a big one around money. I have seen lots of folks do this too. Especially at the national level where the numbers tend to be really big. If you're used to working at the local or state level and then you start hearing national figures being thrown around.

19:11 It can sound like a crazy amount of money. But you have to realize that in almost every setting, what sounds like a lot of money to you probably doesn't sound like a lot of money to the decision maker. Because they're dealing daily with numbers that are way bigger than your budget. Almost always. There are exceptions. But a good chunk of the time, a decision maker that you're going to and asking, unless it's like an individual donor. But if it's a government official, whether they're elected or an agency person, or whether it's a corporate partner or a foundation, any of those people. They are all accustomed to dealing in way bigger numbers than you're dealing with on a daily basis.

19:53 That's just their circumstance. So a number that feels massive to you, and like a crazy big ask. If you can justify it. I mean, obviously don't go around asking for numbers you just yanked outta the air. But if you have a multimillion dollar ask and you can justify it, make that multimillion dollar ask without blinking, without hesitation. Because the minute you blink, the minute you hesitate, the minute you hiccup over that just a little bit. The minute your energy drops a little bit when you say the number, it tells them that you're not ready for that big a number. Because they're dealing with big numbers all the time.

20:34 So just remember that their perspective on money is different than yours. That what's a big number to them is probably really different than what's a big number to you. Now that said, of course you always do your research. You know this from dealing with foundations. You don't ask a foundation that has clearly stated that the maximum ask is a hundred thousand dollars. You don't go to them and ask for a million. At least not for the program where the cap is a hundred K. Because then you just look like you didn't pay attention. But when there aren't clearly defined caps, ask confidently for what you actually need. Here's another one that I hear a lot. And this is another one where it's so subtle and we think we're being respectful.

21:17 We think we're honoring this position and this big decision making role. And it's the. I know you're busy, but dot, dot, dot Whatever comes after that. The implication hiding in there is two things. One, the most important thing is you're being a burden by interrupting their day. That you're a problem to them. You're an annoyance. You're a thing they have to stop and pay attention to when they were doing something important. All of that is basically just minimizing you. It's minimizing your importance as a human. It's minimizing the importance of your organization. And it's very much minimizing the importance of your ask and your reason for being in the room.

21:57 So you can change that just a little bit. Because they are busy. And if you do wanna acknowledge that and be respectful, you can do that in a way that not only does not minimize, but in fact brings you in the door with a powerful energetic state that commands attention and operates from confidence and makes them want to engage. And that's simply to say, you're a busy person, so let's get right to it. And the implications there are, this is gonna be worth your time. And we're both busy people and it's gonna be worth my time too. Here we go. Here's the last really bad pitfall that happens all the time.

22:38 This happens in settings with decision makers. It also happens all the time in daily life. And that's when we make someone else's behavior mean something about us. The minute we do that, we are in trouble. Because here's the thing. 99 times out of a hundred, it's got nothing to do with you. I mean, if you said something patently offensive to the person and they reacted poorly, okay, that's about you. Fair enough. But most of the time, here's what happens. We're talking and they get an uncomfortable look on their face. Okay, well maybe that burrito they had for lunch is giving them a little pushback. It might not have anything to do with you.

23:21 They might not reply to your email right away. That might not mean anything other than maybe they didn't see it. Maybe they saw it and forgot it. Maybe, who knows? Maybe they're still in a meeting and they have a policy of not looking at their phone while they're in meetings. Some people do do that. Could mean lots of things. Mostly the chances are it doesn't have anything to do with you. It doesn't mean anything about you. But if we start taking their lack of response or their lack of engagement or anything they're doing that's not what we wanted. Or anything they're not doing that we did want. If we start making it mean something about us, we are up a crick.

24:04 We can certainly try to figure out what's going on and change tactics a little bit if we think that maybe we said something that confused them or bored them or whatever. Or we can tell that they are being distracted. Then here's what you don't do. First of all, you don't just keep talking, hoping they'll start paying attention again. Stop and say, is everything okay? Is there something you need to pay attention to for a minute? And they might say, oh God, yeah, I'm so sorry, but I just heard something in the other room that I know is a problem. Can you give me two minutes? Oh, of course. Absolutely. And then they can go do the thing and come back and be fully present for you again.

24:45 But we could see that same thing happen. We could see them start to lose focus and lose attention and think, oh, they think I'm boring. They don't like what I'm talking about. And so what do we do? We start speeding up. We start talking faster. We start doing all sorts of things that are the opposite of engaging, and aren't addressing the actual reason they lost focus. This will take a lot of practice, but just start with the reminder. When you see a reaction and you start to take it personally on any level, just remind yourself it's not about you. Something else is probably going on. See if you can find out what it is. It's okay to ask. Don't pry, but just like I say.

25:26 Everything okay? Do you need to take a minute? It does two things. One, it calls them out. It says, I can tell you're not paying attention. And if they really were just drifting off and writing their grocery list in their head, then that pulls'em back and then they're embarrassed. That's okay. But probably what's going on is something has pulled their attention away that they maybe need to pay attention to. And the fact that you noticed, you respected that, you acknowledged it, and you offered them the opportunity to take care of it. That makes you the gracious person who is aware and who respects that people have stuff going on. That kind of thing goes a long way. But you can't do that if you're busy thinking that their distractedness or whatever unwanted behavior, is about you.

26:13 So I'm gonna come back to this one more time. You can choose your energetic state. You can choose what emotion you wanna operate from. Feel them all. It's gonna happen. It's not like I can tell you, or you can tell you, what to feel. This is different. This is not telling yourself what to feel. If something sad happens, you feel sad. If something great happens, you feel happy. If you're worried, you're worried. But you don't have to operate from that. You can operate from the other emotions that you also feel about the thing that you've come to talk about. Operate from those. Operate from the emotions and thoughts and beliefs that will raise your energetic state and create engagement.

26:58 It will change what you do with your voice. It will change what you do with your body language. It will change everything about you. And remember the Debbie Downer problem. It'll make sure that your contagious energy is serving both you and that decision maker. Because nobody is served if they get pulled down into a lower energetic state. Yes does not happen from a low energetic state. So three powerful beliefs to operate from with any decision maker whenever you're engaging them. Number one, I belong here in this room with this powerful decision maker.

27:40 Number two, I have something of value that they need. And three, I am so excited to work together with this person to make something great happen. When you operate from the beliefs and emotions that serve you, your energetic state will automatically rise. You will become more engaging. And decision makers will wanna work with you and wanna say yes to you. It takes practice, but you really can make these changes happen pretty quickly if you're conscious and intentional about them. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode right here on the Nonprofit Power Podcast.