How to Accelerate and Maximize Know, Like and Trust with Decisionmakers - Episode 36

You're listening to the nonprofit power podcast. In today's episode we reveal how to accelerate and maximize know, like and trust with decision makers. So stay tuned. If you want to have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place. I'm Cath Patrick, and I've helped dozens of progressive non profit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter. It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are, to have them seeking you out as an equal partner, and to have them bringing opportunities and resources to you. This podcast will help you do just that. Welcome to the nonprofit power podcast. Hey everybody. Cath Patrick here. Thank you. So. So. much for tuning. tuning. into another. Episode of the nonprofit power podcast. I'm so glad you're here for today's episode. To achieve your advocacy goals. You need decision makers to work with you to get that done. And they're not going to do that. If they don't know you, don't like you. And don't trust you. So our number one job in strategic relationship building is to build that know like, and trust factor with decision makers. There's no way around the fundamental work of building strategic relationships. But there are plenty of things you can do to reach a higher level of know, like, and trust. Faster and more efficiently. So that you can get your decision-maker engaged and helping you sooner. Mhm. Hey there folks. Welcome to the nonprofit power podcast. I'm your host Kath Patrick. I'm glad to be back with you. After a brief hiatus, I was sick with a cold last week and it rendered my voice really unusable. Which meant no podcast recording for me. I'm still not a hundred percent, but hopefully I've got enough of a voice to get going on this episode. So let's get into this conversation. Building strategic relationships with decision makers can seem like a long slow process. And a lot of times what's slowing it down is we haven't established that know like, and trust factor with them. When you accelerate the building of know, like, and trust the relationship becomes productive much sooner. So let's talk about how you can do that. At their core, most of these are messaging strategies. But they also contain elements of energy, body language, and ways of being. Everything I'm going to talk about today is valuable at every stage of relationship building. My goal for you is to be able to build know like, and trust deeper and faster and more efficiently. So that you can get to the part where you're working together to get something positive, done. I'm going to focus on seven key elements, although there are more. But these seven are the ones that are the most critical. And most of them are quite simple to implement once you've practiced it a little bit. In fact, I expect you're probably already using several of these. But by calling them out and exploring them in detail, I hope to give you some new insights about how you can become even more effective and efficient at building know, like and trust with decision-makers. So these seven elements, areur alignment. And that means, do we and the decision-maker have similar beliefs, priorities, worldview, perspective on a problem, et cetera. Affinity. How are we alike? Kinship. How are we family in some sense or feel like family? Endorsement. Does someone the decision-maker respects think highly of you? Trustworthiness. Obviously, this goes to the heart of one of the pieces of know, like, and trust. And there's three subsets of this that I'm going to talk about. One is credibility and authority. One is straight up demonstrating trustworthiness. And reliability. All of those sort of make up the essence of trustworthiness. Another element is reciprocation. This is about a fundamental principle that humans, all of us, are hardwired to feel the need to reciprocate when someone has done something for us. And you can use that principle, that reality, to create a desire on the decision-makers part to reciprocate to you. And we'll talk about how we do that. And then the last one is co-creation. Working together to make something happen. Those are the seven core elements. Some of these you've heard me talk about a lot, and some of these may be new in our conversation. And as I said, you may be using some of these quite regularly and others of these may be new to you. So let's. Let's look at alignment. We and the decision maker align around beliefs, priorities, worldview, perspective on a problem, what have you. The thing about alignment is that not only is it valuable for helping the decision makers, see how their interests align with yours. It also is a key ingredient in building know, like and trust. The more points of alignment that you can identify, the stronger the know and like aspects will become. So we're always looking for ways that we align with the decision maker and we often have to look pretty broadly to find that. Now someone who's aligned philosophically with you, that's awesome. If you're dealing with the decision maker who is already progressive minded and is aligned with the idea that not only should society be doing everything it can to help every person thrive. But that we should be directing resources and shaping policy that help make that happen. If your decision-makers already aligned in that way, you're in great shape. But you could also align around priorities. If both of you agree that the problem at hand is one that is urgent, that needs solving. You may need to work to get to alignment on exactly how you solve that. But if they already agree that it's a serious problem, that's really helpful. Similarly with priorities, this thing rises to the top. It can be really helpful if they have a shared perspective on a problem. That they not only agree that the problem you're talking about is a problem, they agree that your solution is the right one. .All of those are potential points of alignment, and you want to be looking for those and cultivating those. So you first need to assess where you are to start. Get a feel for where they are. And you can do a lot of this in advance research. Most decision makers I have some sort of a paper trail, so to speak, although it's not likely to be paper. But there's a record of their position on things. Particularly if they're an elected official. .For any other, whether it's a government agency person or a contracting partner, whichever type of decision maker you're pursuing a relationship with. You do as much research as possible ahead of time. And we've talked in other episodes about a lot of different ways to do that. If you have found some points of alignment, that's awesome. You start with that and build from there. If you haven't found any, you're going to want to build some. But it might not be your first priority. Remember, we're trying to accelerate and maximize know, like and trust. So, if you can't find any points of alignment, then make a note to yourself that you're going to need to do that. But for building know, like and trust, you may want to focus on one of the other seven or several of the other seven. Affinity is another very powerful driver of know, like and trust. And by that, I mean in what ways are we alike? And this is such rich territory. This is where you're going outside the specific issue or problem or vision at hand. And you're talking about the entire realm of human behaviors and interests. So it opens up everything. It opens up kids, pets, hobbies, sports, music, art. Anything that the person is interested in their life. Find the places that you overlap. There is always at least one thing. In my experience, there is often a multitude of things. You just got to look for them. To the extent that you can ask around and do research ahead of time and know that. If they've got a LinkedIn page, you can find out usually where they went to school. you might be able to find out where they've lived before from their past job history. So you've at least got a couple of clues right there. If they have a profile on a website somewhere, whether it's their company website or their organization's website. Or if they're an elected, they're going to have an extensive profile on their website. And read that for clues. There you're looking for things like, susie Q lives with her husband and two children and three dogs. And enjoys basketball and knitting. Those are all points of potential connection. And they're just the beginning. The thing to remember, always, always, always with building relationships with decision makers, is that you are creating human connection. That is the core of what you're doing. Yes, you're building a strategic relationship. You have a purpose for it. You are pursuing it because you have an objective in mind. And you should be clear and focused on those strategic objectives all the time. But in the process of building the relationship, it is all about human connection. And so the more points of connection that you have, the better the know, the better the like, the better, the trust. So you're looking constantly for these things. And there's a bit of an art to then establishing connection around those things. There's a way to do it that's heavy handed. And there's a way to do it that is more natural and doesn't feel like you're trying too hard. one of the keys to this is bringing your full human self to the process. You bring your whole self. Family and pet Ss andobbies and passtimes and things you enjoy and things that make you happy. You bring all of that with you. I have seen too many nonprofit leaders who were convinced that bringing their whole self is unprofessional in some way. That it's not business like. .Well, human connection can be about a shared passion for a thing in business. And if that happens great. If you discover that both of you totally geek out over financial statements or data and projections and stuff. Awesome. Geek out over that. That's a point of connection. But it's far too limiting. .This is a giant playground. There's so much open to you here. .Please don't close any of it off. Each of us humans has far more in common than we often acknowledge. And so a key goal for you always is finding those points of affinity, finding ways in which you are alike. So great examples of this. I'm originally from the Midwest. I am a rabid green bay Packers fan. And those two things alone have proved to be amazing points of connection with a surprising number of decision-makers. And so if I find that the decision maker is either from, or spent time in any part of the Midwest. I home in on that. And say, oh, where in Minnesota? Where in Wisconsin. Where in Ohio? Where in Indiana? Where in Michigan. And they'll say whatever town. And I've spent so much time in all of those places that I generally speaking will know where they're talking about. And if I don't, I'll say, well, I haven't heard of that place, but what's it near? And they'll name the next biggest town as oh, okay. I know that place. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I've been there. Or, I've always wanted to go there. Or, I have family there. I have friends there. I remember visiting there one time and the most gorgeous thing was that lake. Ah, I still remember a gorgeous fall afternoon walking along the lake shore and just soaking up the sunshine and the leaves were beautiful. It was so great. How cool that you're from there. You know, this is easy, right? It's easy if you let your whole self be part of this. There's a difference between what I just said. And. Somebody says, oh, I'm originally from Minnesota. And I said, oh cool. Yeah. Um, I've been there. Minnesota's nice. Totally different conversation. You are seeking connection. You are seeking to evoke emotion. You're seeking to draw them in with you as engaging with you about something they're fond of, something they love. It's amazing how many connections I've made over people who are green bay Packers fans. And sports is just one place to go. but I find that it is often rich territory. Now if you are not a sports fan and don't care anything about it, don't pick that. Don't pick something that you don't also have passion for. But what I'm hoping to convey to you is that you're looking for other people's passions and you're sharing your own. There are going to be places that overlap. And so just giving you a couple of examples that I find work for me a lot. I just recently was talking with a couple of people that one of whom I had only just met. And the other whom I kind of knew, but not really. And we got into a conversation about Packers and by the end of the evening, we were best buds. Because we were all three of us really passionate about this. And we had stories to tell. And the more we told stories, the more we shared experiences of going to games. Of where you watch the games when you're not in green bay. All of those things establishing connection. And then building on that. Affinity is just absolutely one of the richest territories you can explore. And it can be anything. If you happen to be in their space or on a zoom with them, and they're not using a virtual background, I have actually even used virtual backgrounds to establish a point of connection, to establish affinity. I have commented occasionally on a particularly Attractive virtual background. And said to the person, wow. That is a gorgeous room behind you. Is that your living room? And, you know, people are not going to lie. And they have said, well, actually, no, that's a virtual background. As well, I wouldn't mind living in that space. And then very often they will volunteer, oh, well, the reason I'm using a virtual background is that the actual space behind me is a total mess. I've got kids and dogs running around here. It's crazy. It's chaos all the time. So virtual background just works. Well, they just gave you three pieces of incredible information, right? Kids. Dogs. Messy house. Somewhere in there, there's something you can connect with, right. Now, if you happen to be the rare soul whose house is always pristine and perfectly organized, then obviously you don't have a point of connection there. For those of us who have a sort of baseline level of chaos in our houses most of the time, that's a place to connect. And say, oh, I hear you. Hmm. You don't know, want to know what the cats are doing right now. I can hear them tearing something apart in another room and I'm afraid to go look. And then the next thing they say might be, oh, well, yeah. My dog. no, nevermind my kids. They're probably all tearing something apart right now. Those are points of affinity. Even if it's not a perfect lineup, They have little kids. I don't have little kids. I'm in a different season of life. But the core point of affinity is we both got some baseline chaos in our house that we're working around. That's a huge point of affinity. There's so much wrapped up in that. So it's little, little things. And they build on each other. So you're not looking to just find like, okay, now we've bonded over chaos in our house. Uh, check and I'll move on. It's an opening to ask for more. depending on what you're talking about, and maybe they only have 15 minutes and you really shouldn't spend five of them on their dog. and these are things you just gauge in the course of the interaction, but if nothing else, you file it away. So if there's not time to explore the dogs and the kids stuff. In this conversation, that's okay. You'll do it in the next one. and you can ask a direct question. You can say, how're the dogs and kids doing today? That tells them two important things. One, you listened. Never underestimate the power of being a good listener. It goes so far in building connection and building know like, and trust. All humans want to feel heard, want to feel seen. And when you ask about stuff that's important to them, you are making them feel seen. You're making them feel heard. And that's huge. So. You might in the next conversation say, so how're the dogs and kids today? And just see what they say. They might say, oh my goodness, it's a rare calm day. I'm so happy. Awesome. And then you can say, so how old are the kids? Oh, I've got a girl who's seven. And the boy is nine. You know, the last time we talked, they were both home for a teacher workday and it was total chaos in here. But today they're off at school and life is great. Wonderful. maybe you just say, oh, gosh, seven and nine. Those are great ages. There's so much fun at that age. And then see where they go. They'll usually volunteer something back. And whatever is being traded back and forth, you're building on that. And you're looking for as many points of connection as possible. More is better. This is I think a key thing. And this will prove true with many of the things that I'm about to talk about. That at every point in a conversation or an interaction, there is an opportunity to turn away or to lean in. And you want to be highly focused about when to do each. The only time you should turn away is if you have identified a territory that is not going to be a happy place. You discover something where you're aggressively not aligned or you definitely would have an argument about this thing. You disagree in some way. If that's the case and your goal is building know, like, and trust, move on. Find some other place. find some other bit to explore. But anytime you find something that is a point of connection like that, you lean in, you go deeper. And take them with you. Invite them to go deeper with you. .This one is not about messaging. This one is entirely about energy and way of being. You must come to this open and wanting to know the other person. Because this building of know, like, and trust is really going two ways. You would prefer to know, like, and trust them as well. Now, obviously there are going to be differences on the substance of what you work on together, and you're going to have to work with them to work those out. But the whole reason you build know, like, and trust is so that you have this strong foundation with them of many points on which, you know, like, and trust one another. You have such a strong foundation that then when points of difference come up in your negotiation around how you're going to get a thing done or whatever you're working on together. That you've got a foundation that it's okay to disagree and you'll work through those differences. It's much harder to work through those differences if you don't have that foundation. Related to affinity, but in a category of its own is the concept of kinship. And this is about. Are we a family in some sense, or do we feel like family? This is a powerful, driver of human behavior. And if we can establish kinship with a decision maker, it is a tremendous builder of know, like, and trust. So, what does this look like? It can take a lot of different forms. Obviously chances are, you're not actually related to this person. But you can still invoke kinship with them. One way you can bring kinship in that does connect a family would be like if I met someone from Michigan and we established that there are a Detroit lions fan. I can say, oh my gosh, you must be so thrilled with this past season. My cousins are such big lions fans, and I am so happy for them. You all have lived through so many tough seasons and this year was just amazing. That is kind of a tangential kinship. The decision maker I'm talking with, who is a big Detroit lions fan. I have now placed them. In the same place of kinship as my cousins. That I obviously dearly love. I have created a sense of kinship across that line. Another way you can establish kinship is through mutual connections. Now this doesn't always work as well in super large metropolitan areas. But if you're in a medium sized or smaller community, there's probably a lot of people that you know, that the decision maker knows too. and it's very possible. If you have other family members in the area and they do too. That those people know each other. And so you can establish kinship. If you figure out that say your brother knows their sister or your parents know their parents, or your cousin knows their brother or whatever it is. And when you identify that and establish it. And communicate and engage the decision maker across that. Uh, connection. Then that's another form of establishing kinship. Our families are connected. So by implication, kind of, we're almost family to. Another one to be aware of is a sense of tribe. Tribe can cover a lot of territory. If you take this sort of a ring outward from actual literal family, and think about a broader sense of kinship. It's the kinds of things that make people say or think in their head about another person. These are my people. You're one of my people here. And that can spring from anything that is a strong, shared identity. So another one is endorsement. Does someone I respect think highly of this person? So this is in the decision maker's mind, right? If you can establish that you know, and have a relationship with someone that that decision-maker is likely to respect, that's good. If you can do that with someone you know they respect, that's better. And you can create messaging around this that lets them know that. So anyone who is regarded as an expert, a thought leader. A community leader. A highly credible person, or a person with some authority. Any of those factors are ones that you want to highlight any endorsements you have from them. You're going to do two things. You're gonna establish that you have a relationship with that respected figure. And then you're also going to have messaging around why they think you're great. So you might say, you know when I was talking with senator so-and-so about this problem, they were really excited that our organization was working on it because they've said repeatedly that we are the best in the field on this. And they're excited that we're leading this process. Maybe you've had a respected researcher work with you to demonstrate the validity of your outcomes. And so you might say, We were lucky enough to partner with the leading researchers at big name university on a study that actually demonstrated these amazing outcomes. And in their report, they laid out why we are just the best thing ever. Or why our outcomes are the best thing ever, This includes testimonials. It includes anything that is a way to communicate to the decision maker that someone they respect thinks that you personally, your organization, and or the work that you do, and the outcomes that you have, are fantastic. And or that you are great to partner with. Now let's talk about trustworthiness. There's three pieces to this. There's the credibility and authority piece. There's the actual demonstrating of yes, here is proof that you can actually trust me. And then there is reliability, which is pretty well tied to that. let's talk about credibility and authority first. First of all establishing credibility and authority is something. You're already doing on an ongoing basis as a nonprofit leader. Establishing yourself as a thought leader, establishing your credibility on particular topics, establishing your reputation as a person who knows what they're talking about and doesn't make stuff up. when you're building trust in a relationship with a particular decision maker, it's important to establish credibility and authority. With them specifically. That can come partly from endorsements, as we just talked about. But most of it comes from you. And how you frame your messaging from the very beginning. Whatever information or perspectives you're sharing with a decision maker. You're also telling them how, you know, this. Data observations, how long you've been doing the work and or how long the organization has been doing the work. Success stories that represent your outcomes, et cetera. And you're weaving those in throughout your messaging. So that the decision-maker is constantly receiving. A little bits of credibility evidence. When we're talking about demonstrating trustworthiness itself. It's important to remember that real and deep trust is built over time with a series of opportunities to demonstrate trustworthiness in the moment. But when you're just beginning a relationship, one of the best ways to demonstrate trustworthiness is to be forthright and forthcoming. About a thing, a decision-maker would expect you to want to minimize or hide. Disclosing a flaw of vulnerability, a weakness of your program or your services or whatever, and I'm not talking about disclosing personal flaws, but disclosing flaws or weaknesses about the thing that you offer. Or the thing that you're trying to engage them with. And doing so without being required to do so. And without having been asked about it, Especially when it would be really easy to simply omit it. That inspires trust. Because they think to themselves, This is an honest person. They won't lie to me. They just told me something they didn't have to, that could have made me think less of them. So that is a huge builder of the sense of trustworthiness that you can create almost from the beginning. Now this effect is the most powerful. If you disclose the vulnerability or the weakness early on. this applies in the process of relationship building, but it's worth noting that it also applies in presentations and pitches, which you're going to be doing for the run in this relationship. And when we're doing that, the inclination is always to lead with all the positives and advantages. And leave any weaknesses till the end, or maybe just leave them out if nobody asks about them. But you will build much more trust if you raise those weaknesses early. That said there is a critical second piece to this strategy, which is you want to follow the weakness. With a countervailing point that reframes and offsets that weakness. To do this. You use. Simple transitional word, like, but, or however, To lead into the countervailing strength or advantage that offsets that weakness. So a classic example of this would be. You say. Now our solution and services cost more upfront. You'll certainly find competitors who are offering a lower price. But the reason our prices are a little higher. Is that we provide more comprehensive, more thorough and more individualized support that results in dramatically better outcomes, which in turn. Result in cost savings in the end. Now that's completely taking the weakness of a higher price, and explaining that it is actually a strength because it represents something that is highly desirable. This approach is one of the most effective ways to establish trustworthiness early on. And then you build on that as the relationship develops and you have opportunities to demonstrate trustworthiness with further actions. Reliability. This should be easy. Always do what you said you would. And over-deliver whenever possible. That's real simple. And create opportunities to deliver something. this can just be a simple offer to follow up, offer to provide any additional information or whatever. First of all you deliver it. Secondly, you deliver it ahead of when you said you would. And thirdly, you make whatever you're delivering super easy for them to make use of and add value wherever possible. With reciprocation. Reciprocity is a really interesting thing. I always knew this worked, but it wasn't until I read the research done by a lot of different sociologists about why it is so that helps me understand why this is so powerful. It turns out and human beings are hardwired to feel the need to reciprocate if someone has done something for them. It's always a good idea with the decision-maker that you're trying to build this relationship with, to be creating value and helping them with stuff. With whatever their pain points are. .Even if what you're doing is making information easier to consume or you're connecting dots for them. You're making their workload lighter. It doesn't have to be big, but you're doing small things that say you're thinking of them. You have their interests at heart. You are creating value for them. So all of that is in there too. But what is so interesting to me is that, sociologists identified that, this is hardwired even in very small children. That there is a reciprocity factor at work that when someone does something for us, we feel predisposed to want to do something in return. And it's quite powerful. It is very often subconscious. If you asked a decision maker. Not that you ever would, but just to make this point. That if you were to do something that added value, you sent this great piece of research or whatever, and you broke it down and you gave them the highlights and you told them exactly what to pay attention to. And you made it really short and easy to read and said, this is the piece that connects to the thing we were talking about. This is why this is so awesome. I knew you'd be excited to read this. If you asked them, now does this make you want to help me more? They might or might not be able to answer that question. But this is occurring on a subconscious level. This need to reciprocate is subconscious and it is deeply embedded in human nature. That is an important thing to understand is at work in human relationships. So you want to maximize that. And again, let me emphasize, this is not quid pro quo. There's all kinds of, sort of sleazy quid pro quo deals out there in the world. This is not that. This is understanding. Remember, you are all about building connection. You're all about building know, like, and trust. And so this is connecting on a deep level when you do this. Okay. And then the last one is co-creation. This is further into the relationship, typically. Where now you're working together on something. And what the sociologists have noted is that there are a bunch of things that happen subconsciously when we are co-creating something with another person. That we are more invested in the thing. That's kind of obvious, right? If we put our work into it and we're more invested into it. But it goes beyond that. It's the difference between coming to a decision maker and saying, I have this piece of policy that I want to enact. And I want you to help me do it. And coming to a decision maker to say, there's a really big problem that we think needs solving. And we have some thoughts about how to do that. And we'd really like to talk to you about how we might work together to figure this out. And come up with the best possible solution. That is a subtle difference. But it's inviting the decision maker in to co-create the solution. To put their stamp on it. To have it be their idea, too. And that is a whole other level of connection. And causes investment from them. It causes an emotional investment. It causes them to believe that it's their thing. And people will always fight way harder for something they believe is their thing than something that is somebody else's thing. So being super mindful from the very beginning, that if you are inviting the decision maker to co-create with you, that you are going to engage them on a level that is so much deeper and so much more powerful. That if you're a contracting partner to come to them and say, I have something to sell you. If you're going for a policy ask, I have a policy thing that I want you to do. If you're talking to a government agency and you want them to do something. .Here's the thing we need to make happen. Here's the thing that needs to be done. So much more powerful to invite joint problem solving. and you know this from managing up, right? The more somebody thinks it's their idea, the more invested they are. Now, that doesn't mean you're running a con and saying, oh yeah, this brilliant idea was all yours. And I had nothing to do with it. You're engaging them. It's genuine. This really is a joint problem solving endeavor. And that will always be far more powerful and will be so much more effective in building know like, and trust if you're working together. The other thing that is super valuable in the arena of co-creation is to ask for advice. When you do that, first of all, you're flattering them, which doesn't hurt. It's saying, I respect and value your opinion. I want your insight. That is important and valuable to me. So when you ask their advice, that's step one. Then you act on the advice. Step two. And then step three is you come back to them and you talk to them about how it was so helpful that they gave you that advice. Because then you went and did this thing. And oh my goodness, a great thing happened as a result. Thank you so much. That was awesome. They have now just co-created that result with you. It was their advice that helped lead to the great outcome. So these seven elements. Alignment. Affinity. Kinship. Endorsement. Trustworthiness. Reciprocation. And co-creation. The thing that all of these have in common is, how effective they are at connecting you with the decision maker and building no, like. And. Trust. It's all these elements combined. And you may use some more than others depending on the situation. But taken as a group, if you are conscious of each of these. And employing each of them regularly as part of your behavioral approach to building strategic relationships. You will find that it will dramatically accelerate the development of that know, like, and trust. Which means you get to your result faster. You get your decision maker engaged and you've got them helping you faster than if you hadn't done that. And that's the bottom line. Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.