Are You Unknowingly Undermining Your Strategic Relationship Building? - Episode 27

You're listening to the nonprofit power podcast. In today's episode, We help you answer the question. Are you unknowingly undermining your strategic relationship building work? So stay tuned. If you want to have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place. I'm Cath Patrick, and I've helped dozens of progressive non profit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter. It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are, to have them seeking you out as an equal partner, and to have them Bringing opportunities and resources to you. This podcast will help you do just that. Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast. Hey everybody. Calf Patrick here. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of the nonprofit power podcast. I'm so glad you're here for today's episode. When our strategic relationship building work isn't yielding the results we'd hope for, it's often because we're inadvertently doing one or more things that actually undermine the goal of building powerful influence with those decision makers. The good news is once you identify those unhelpful actions, they're simple to correct. Oh, Hey there folks. Welcome to the nonprofit power podcast. I'm your host cath Patrick. There's a really common problem that happens in strategic relationship building work that leads to a ton of frustration. It's when you're putting energy into building the relationship, but simultaneously undermining your efforts with a handful of actions or inactions that you may not even be aware of. There are five main culprits that I see most often. And I want to call them out so you can take steps to fix it. If you discover you're doing any of these. So let's talk about those common things that undermine strategic relationship building. And how you know if it's happening. Because, like I said, often we're unaware that we're even doing this. So you kind of have to look for the signs that it is happening to work backwards, to discover oops. Yeah, I'm probably doing that. And sometimes you have to do a self-assessment. the biggest thing honestly is inconsistency, and/ or neglect of the relationship. You know, you're always gung ho at the beginning, when you start building a strategic relationship and then you get busy and engagement trails off, and one day you realize you haven't connected with that person in a long time. And maybe they've moved on. And this one really is a lot of self-assessment. Clearly the symptoms are that there's no engagement happening. But. For this one, you really have to take a look at your key strategic relationships and do a self-check on how often you've been engaging with them in a substantive way in say the last three to six months. And if you haven't had a meaningful touch point with them at least once a month, you're in this problem. Related to that is the problem of only showing up when you need something. this really is another self-assessment item. And it's important to really be honest with yourself here. looking at your top key decision makers, what percentage of your interactions with this decision maker have had the primary purpose of you bringing value to them? You helping them solve one of their problems or their headache. If that percentage of when you're showing up bringing value, versus you showing up wanting something or trying to persuade them of something. if your value show up rate is Under 40%, that's a concern. If it's under 30%, you are very much in this problem and it's going to be substantially affecting your success in the relationship. Another huge problem is the problem of failing to listen, and failing to make the decision maker feel heard. Which can feel like, well, wait a minute. it's their job to listen to me. I have to bring them my concerns and they're supposed to listen to me. Well, yeah, depending on their role, that's probably true. But remember in building a relationship between two people, both parties need to feel heard, need to feel understood. So if you're not doing your part and really listening to them, And taking in what they have to say, what their perspective is. And you're not then taking the extra step of making sure they feel heard. Right. You could be listening great. But if you don't do anything with that, To reflect back to them that you've heard them and understand at least some aspect of their perspective, then that's a big problem. And the way you tell if this is going on is in large part by their level of engagement and how they respond to you. This'll often be a lot of nonverbal cues. People don't lean in when they don't feel heard. When they feel that the conversation or the relationship is kind of one way. These are all related but they're distinct and I'm calling them out separately because they are slightly different behaviors and they require different actions to shore them up. So another one is the problem of taking without giving. They do something for you and you thank them. But you then don't take the initiative to help them further. So that is again a self-check. Take a look at any one of those key decision makers and inventory all the different ways that they have said yes to you essentially. How they have done something small or large to help you out in some way. Maybe it was to give you a piece of advice. Maybe it was to just continue meeting with you and engaging with you to work on a problem. maybe they actually took initiative to direct resources your way, which would be in the bigger category. Maybe they're doing small things, but that signify their willingness to work with you. If you've got that going, that is a huge thing. But if you're not also doing things to help them to make their life easier in some way, then you're sliding into that category of taking without giving. And we don't want to be in the business of bean counting here. Any more than you would want to be doing that in a, personal relationship. But still. If things start to get out of balance that starts to affect the quality of the relationship. And the last big problem is in some ways the most important. And that's engaging or connecting with the decision maker only as a decision maker and not as a human being. you're building this relationship for strategic business reasons, so of course you're going to have that for your focus. But you have to connect on the human side or you don't actually have much of a relationship. there's a really easy way to check for where you are on this. And that is to ask yourself how much have you learned about this decision maker personally by engaging with them? This is not research you did somewhere. This is stuff you have learned about them through your interactions. and also checking to see, where do you feel the most connected with them? have you connected over kids or pets or hobbies or sports or anything that is not related to the business at hand. Something that's personal without, you know, overstepping. We're not trying to get more into people's personal space than they're comfortable with. But even surface-y stuff is the glue that helps to hold relationships together and make them stronger. if you look at any one of these key decision maker relationships and you can't come up with some things that you know about them personally, that you've connected with them over, even in very small ways, then you are in this problem. So if any of these resonated or struck a nerve for you, that's okay. Now you have awareness. And once you have awareness, you can take action to fix the problem, or problems, if you resonated with more than one of those. So let's talk about what to do instead of those things not to do. One of the things that is the most helpful and that my clients have a ton of success with, is to create a plan for consistent engagement and relationship building with each target. to create a routine of engagement. And I'll explain that more in a minute. But you have to do two things. You have to create the plan and you have to actually then do it. It doesn't help if you create the plan and then get busy and don't do it. That's how you get into the problem of inconsistency and neglect in the first place. But a lot of times the cause of that inconsistency and letting relationships fall by the wayside, which then leads you into only reaching out when you need something, which then leads into not adding value, but only showing up and taking rather than giving. It all cascades one problem into the next if you're not being consistent and intentional with your engagement strategy. as you know, and I say all the time, strategic relationship development happens over time. And to be successful, you've got to create constant opportunities for engagement and to increase the quality of that engagement over time. let's talk about the kinds of things you can do. And then I'll come back to how you then structure that into a plan or a routine. I think sometimes folks get a little bit overwhelmed, like, well, how do I invent ways to engage somebody? They don't want to be hearing from me all the time. They'll just be annoyed. Well, that can be true. I've seen a lot of, engagement attempts that just get ignored, That failed to engage. And I've seen a few occasions of folks actually doing things that become annoying because they start to feel like pestering, Hopefully your no pester radar is good and you can tell the difference between adding value and just being a gnat in somebody's face. But it can be small things that have a lot of power. Asking for advice has a ton of power and a ton of relationship building potential. Everybody in the universe loves to be asked for advice. It feels good. It's a recognition of our knowledge and our expertise of our Having something of value that people are interested in And the fact is that that there's almost no situation in which any kind of insight or advice from your target decision maker is not incredibly valuable to you. Think of the goal that you pursued this relationship for in the first place, some money or policy decision or action, somewhere down the road that you want this decision maker to take action on. Do you know, absolutely everything about the process for making that happen? About all the inside workings in the decision makers world that will lead to a yes or a no, ultimately on the thing that you want. Do you know everything about that? Do you know everything about what other people are influential in this process and whose engagement and support would be helpful? Probably not. it's almost impossible to know all those things completely. So one of the most valuable things you can do is to ask the decision makers advice on that kind of stuff. And say, you know, we want to make sure that we're doing all we can to help make this happen. And we're a little unclear on this piece of the process or on who else are the key players or whatever it is that you're unclear about. And say, can you help us understand that a little better? And you start with something broad like that. Or if you have a very specific question, then you can ask that. And if for any reason they can't answer it because of, ethical reasons or what have you, restrictions on what they're allowed to talk about, they'll tell you. so don't worry about that, but ask advice. It is hugely powerful and the information you get back is going to be really valuable. And when you ask advice, You, in a funny little way, are adding a little bit of value for the decision-maker. And what you're very much doing is building some connection and trust with that person. You're shifting the dynamic toward a positive relationship when you ask for advice and then you listen. You listen not only for the advice, but for anything else they are sharing with you that might be their personal take on something. when they do that, they're going to be giving you information about the language they use to talk about this. There's all kinds of other subtle stuff that are going to be embedded in that advice that you want to be just soaking up like a sponge. And you may want to jot down some key phrases that they use. Especially if there's something that you haven't heard before or are unique in some way. Or that seems specific to that decision maker. there's tons of value in this. And it's a simple thing, right? There's also enormous power in thanking people. And we don't do it enough. if you have a meeting with somebody, you thank them for the meeting. Okay. That's great. But it goes beyond just thanking. It's also acknowledging, and this is part of helping people feel heard as well. any time a decision-maker does anything even slightly helpful for you, anything. You want to acknowledge it and thank them for it. That goes a long way toward building connection and helping them look upon you in a favorable light and say, yeah, I like that person. They appreciate me. They noticed that I took time to do this little thing and they valued it and they cared enough to share with me that they valued it and that they are appreciating it. That is so powerful. Obviously don't be, smarmy, but there really is a way to thank somebody for almost anything, the smallest help, the smallest assistance. and thank them if they share a perspective, or a new idea or a new take on something. And we'll get into that more when we talk about how to listen really well. But these are some of the things you can do that are small engagement strategies that can become part of your routine. Okay, another big one is just regular engaging, relevant communication, targeted to the decision-makers interests. particularly if you can target that toward one of their problems or headaches that they're dealing with, and/ or whatever you're working on together if you have progressed to the point where you're working actively with them on something. you want to be sharing information or ideas that are helpful to them that speak to their headache or their interests. It can be really small. Again, it doesn't have to be earth shattering. if you come across a really relevant piece of data that helps support their position or help support the thing that you are working toward together, that you're hoping to get them working with you on. It might come from a new study. It might come from a news article, it might come from any number of possible sources. But if that pops into your world and you are able to share that with them Briefly, with a hook that explains why you think that will help them. Hey, I noticed this and wanted to share it with you, cause I think it really goes to this thing that you're dealing with, or this problem you're working on or whatever, and thought it would be helpful. Even if they already knew it. Even if they already saw that, the fact that you thought of them when you saw this thing and you took the time to share it with them with context. That is very different than just forwarding something without a comment, or even forwarding something with a comment. If you discover a study, for example, that is new and demonstrates some great impact data for the thing that you're working on, there's a temptation to forward them the whole study and say, this is really good. You should read this. Not going to happen. And now you've actually sort of created a little bit of stress and annoyance for them because they're like, oh crud. Here comes a big thing that now I got to decide whether I make time to even look at this. And 99 times out of a hundred, the answer is going to be, I don't have time. Here's where you add value when you pull out one or two or maybe three critical data points. Especially if they're new or very strong in some other way. You pick the two or three best things, the highlight reel, of why you think that study is so important. And you put those in the body of an email or however you're communicating. And say, wow, when I saw this study, I thought of you immediately. Look at this. Highlight one, highlight two, highlight three. This is amazing. I think this really supports the concept of XYZ or, is a strong argument in favor of funding ABC, whatever it is. but you connect the dots for them. And then you can provide a link to the study that they can go to if they want. But what you want is two things. you want to create routine engagement. You want to add value. And you want them to frickin' pay attention to it. It doesn't do you any good to send communication out into the world that nobody pays attention to, nobody engages with. That just leads to waste of time and a lot of frustration. So the way you avoid that is you do a little bit of extra work to pull out the key stuff. Make it as succinct as humanly possible. And then condense that down into a short little note that goes to them and says, Hey, this is really cool. I think you'd care about this. Here you go. And by the way, If you want to dig into this, here's the link. That's the kind of value add that is communication that actually engages. All right. let's talk about how you can do this. And build on it, let's say you're using the ask advice strategy, which I just love because it's evergreen. You can ask somebody for advice more than once. As long as you use the advice you got to move your project forward in some way. And once you've taken action with the advice you got, then that is an opportunity to come back to them. And say, Hey. Wow. That was awesome. Thank you so much. Your advice really helped. Here's what I did with it. And once I did that, here's what happened. And now I have a new question because wow. This is where that went. keeping them in the loop once they've done something for you, and showing them that you valued their advice and took action on it, tells them a whole bunch of things. First of all tells them that you are an active partner, that you're going to be in this with them. And that you're going to do your part. Which is a big deal. Cause again, the whole taking without giving thing. Uh, not a good look. So part of how you're giving is you're doing your part in moving the thing forward that you ultimately want, and that you're willing to do a lot of work to move that forward. So you keep them in the loop. Each time you act on their advice, thank them again and, Tell them what you did with it. you'd be amazed how often people forget this step. tell them what results you got and then what new question emerged as a result. this is setting you up for a continuous engagement cycle in which they're getting pulled in more and more, because the only thing people love more than being asked for advice is to learn that somebody took their advice and did something with it. That's really satisfying. So that's a little piece of value right there. But also you're moving the project forward. So that's value as well. So you keep at it. and ask good questions. Don't ask stuff that you could go find out yourself. Use their expertise and their time very wisely. And ask them questions that chances are, only they know the answer to, or they're one of a few who know the answer. or you're asking for perspective and insight good questions cause the decision maker to think and engage in order to give you an answer. As you do that over time, you're developing a relationship based on mutual respect. And often shared passion and purpose as they engage with you more and become more involved in working toward the thing that you want. They may become more invested in it. They probably will be. This is the journey, going from a supporter to a champion. And I've seen this happen over and over again. to some extraordinary results. the thing to know is that once they engage fully with you, then they're getting satisfaction out of getting results as you work together. It feels really good. Right. We like to know that our actions are resulting in something actually happening. All of those are habits that you want to develop. one of the ways you do that initially is you just schedule it in. Put it in your calendar. Build a calendar of engagement for each of your strategic relationships. And start with three or four. Don't try to do a calendar of engagement for 20 decision-makers unless you are able to do this close to full-time. So you you set up a calendar under of I'm going to have a touch point with each of these decision makers makers. And then you pick an interval. Will. It should be a minimum some of once a month. Every three weeks would be better. Better. obviously, if you are super actively engaged with a decision decision-maker already and and you're going back and forth with them on something, then this calendar thing is not so much for that. It's for when you're in the process process of building relationship. you haven't got a ton of traction yet, or maybe you're beginning winning to get some traction, but you're not deep deeply involved in working together with them I'm on something yet. Okay. So this is for for that. So, once a month minimum. Um, once every three weeks is better. Plus you you also want the habit of, if something thing comes is up that is super timely then you you add that in, in addition to your our routine contact intact times. And my my suggestion is you set aside a block of time in your our calendar every three weeks or so too to create the engagement uh, item. The content went for it. The reason for it. why are you reaching out to them. You're reaching out to them to add value in some way. we've talked about a lot of the different categories that you can do. And we'll talk about a couple more more in a minute. And it's very important to remember that you can repurpose content. Okay. You don't have to sit down at your desk and go, oh, my goodness. What can I talk talk to them about about this month month? You you can take the same piece of content. Like let's take that study i made up a minute ago. Where you've you've got this great study that it shows these really important new data points. You might share those same data points with all your key decision makers, or with several of them. Now you might have decision-makers makers in totally different arenas. Maybe one is county the funding decision maker that's focused on a a specific thing. And maybe another one is a policy thing somewhere over in the state legislature that has really not that much to do with it. Then obviously you you know, be appropriate create. But generally speaking speaking, you can repurpose a lot of the the stuff that you find mind that under underscores your core arguments about why the thing you want it needs to be made to happen happen. You might take those same three highlight data points But frame it a little differently for each of the decision-makers, that put it in context for them um, in their role. But the core content is the three highlights. You I only have to create that once once. And then all you change, because this is short and sweet, right? All you change is the the introductory sentence or two or three. That says, Hey. I thought of you when I saw this I think that this would be really helpful to you in your work doing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, that's specific to them. And then, here's why this is important. Here's what I think it says, what it means. And then the rest of it is the same. if you want to burrow into this, here's the link. Would love to talk with you about this. You can take that same core content, share it with all your key decision-makers, but with slightly different framing that is tailored to them and their role and the state of the relationship as it currently stands. You can also, and I strongly encourage this. As you're going along in your world, as information, data, ideas, perspectives, anything that helps bolster the case or create opportunity to move toward the thing that you want. Create a file for that stuff. And that becomes your content file to share with decision makers. stuff will come to your attention all the time. if you're not finding that you're coming across enough stuff, then set up some keyword based feeds that will funnel that to you. And then pull from it. And. A skill that's really important to develop is this ability to scan stuff really fast. And say, yup. There's something in there. Nope. There's not something in there. You don't have time to read it all. Because you know, that great study that you pulled the highlights from, maybe you didn't have time to read the 40 page study either. But because you are finely attuned to the thing that you want and what will help move that forward, you are in a much better position to skim for stuff that's going to support and align with that. So that's how you're reviewing the stuff that comes into your world. Does this help me? Does it not? If it doesn't help me, I'm going to ignore it. If it does help me, I'm going to skim it real quick and see what I can pull that I can use to help support my case. And just start creating a file of all of that stuff. And then when the day on the calendar rolls around and it's time to create engagement content for your decision-makers, if you don't have anything at the top of your head that day, go into your file and pull some stuff from there. What you don't want to do is just send them your newsletter. unless they already are in love with you as an organization, in which case, if they are great, send them the newsletter. But if you're trying to build a relationship and they're not yet in love with your organization and the work that it does, sending them your newsletter is not going to improve anything because they're not going to read it. So don't send them your newsletter. Instead, go through the newsletter and see if there are one or two nuggets in there that are going to be of value to one or more of these decision-makers and pull that out. And send them a short note. But don't just stick them on your newsletter list and say, oh, well, you know, they get our newsletter every quarter. So for four months out of the year, I can check the box of engagement. No, you can't. That is not engagement. Engagement is a two way thing. Newsletters are passive communication. I'm not saying don't do a newsletter. They have a lot of value for a lot of things, but engaging decision makers isn't one of them. So please don't do that. Instead just take the little extra effort to create content that will be of value. So, that's how you create a calendar that makes sure that you are actively engaging those decision makers at a minimum of once a month, preferably at least every three weeks. with something of value, even if it's a tiny value, something. You may find that if after using an engagement calendar, For six months, a year, that you have the habit so ingrained that you don't need the calendar anymore. Great. You can drop the calendar. But I use engagement calendars because just so much stuff happens that it's easy to lose track of wait a minute. When was the last time there was a touch point with this person? I don't recall. And I don't want to have to spend brain cells on trying to remember when the last time there was a touch point. I just want to know. and so you also keep track, right? And ideally you also want to keep track of what engagement came back to you. Because hopefully they're communicating back to you at least some of the time. It might just be a, Hey, thanks. That was really helpful. Ooh, really interesting. I'll get to that when I get a minute. Okay, well, now you file that away. And so maybe three weeks from now, your next engagement is to say. Hey, I'm wondering if you had a chance to look at that. I've been doing some more thinking about it and here's what might be an opportunity. Here's what might be a way to make use of this to move this thing forward, whatever it is. It's a conversation. So you're keeping the conversation going a lot of different ways. But If you don't create the schedule, if you don't create the calendar and build it in, it will slide. Because you're really busy. I get that. But this is so important. This will do more to build your strategic relationships than just about anything else you can do. But you have to be consistent. You have to be intentional. I've already talked about this a little bit, but part of what you're doing with that engagement plan, that engagement calendar. Is your addressing two of the other issues, which is to show up to help, and to do things that add value for the decision-maker. And that helped them solve one or more of their problems or headaches. let's talk about some other ways to add value if it's a decision or an assist, That you want from this decision maker that's related to money, a huge part of how you can add value is to supply them with the data and the stories that show the dramatic impact of their investment once they make it. because remember, they may have to defend or justify their decision to others. And if you make that super easy for them to do that justification, Or even better make them look brilliant for having made such a smart investment, you are adding a ton of value for them. too often, we only share data and stories when we're in persuasion mode. here's all the data and the stories that support the thing that I want you to do. But decision makers need that even more once they've made the investment. Whether it's to direct resources to your organization or to invest their time and credibility in promoting a policy or some other decision that will help you. In any of those cases, helping them see and show to others how this is a brilliant investment is a big value add for them. the other thing is that if you're aware of a particular problem or headache that they're dealing with that may or may not be directly related to your stuff, If you come across something that might be helpful to them with that other thing, share that. just say, Hey, I thought of you when I saw this. It's not directly connected to our work, but it does seem to be really connected to that other thing you're working on. And thought you might find this helpful. And just send it off. Again, short sweet. And if it's an article or a study or anything that's long, just pull the one or two highlights. And say, this is why I thought it would be so impactful for your work on XYZ. Now don't spend a ton of time going out of your way to hunt stuff up like this. But as you come to know more and more about your decision makers, There's going to be stuff that just kind of flits across your mental screen and you go, oh, Hey. That's what, Senator so-and-so's working on. Oh, that might help them. If that thought flashes in your brain, grab that thing, stick it in the content file. And if it's time-sensitive don't wait for the scheduled interaction. I might take you 10 minutes to pull the salient data point or two, or the salient concept or idea, or innovation, or whatever it is. a lot of times it's an innovation in a space that is related to the problem the person's trying to solve. And so you might say. Wow thought of you when I saw this. This has really big implications. I'm sure you've already seen this, but just in case I thought I'd send it along. The thing that really stood out to me is, and then you put in the one line or the one data point. And then you put the link to the longer thing. Short and sweet. Adding value. And creating a touch point and creating in the decision maker's mind. Hey, they thought about me. This isn't even related to their work and they thought about me and they wanted to help. That is relationship gold right there when you can do that. So just, Be alert to opportunities to do stuff like that. Related to all of this is listening and making them feel heard. And again, as you're creating this content plan, this engagement plan, you can start by going over in your head all of your previous interactions with each of these decision-makers. And seeing if there's anything they talked about that you could follow up on now to let them know you heard them. Even if it was a while ago, you can still reach out with something relevant. And say, Hey, when we spoke a while back, you mentioned something that really stuck with me. And then offer a perspective, ask a question. Do something to explore that concept further and engage them. And then make a habit of this going forward. ideally it's something you do in the moment. if you do not already have the other critical habit of debriefing every encounter with your decision-makers, please start that now. And again, It's short and sweet and simple. whatever works for you. I prefer to dictate a note and then drop that content into the appropriate file, wherever it goes. It might be Intel on the decision maker. It might be content that I want to follow up on, whatever it is. make a point of debriefing. Particularly if they said anything interesting, if they offered a new perspective, anything like that. You want to develop the habit of also each time you're in an encounter with them to find ways to let them know in the moment that you have heard them. that you're really taking in what they're saying and that it is making the gears turn in your head. Or if they've shared something that's emotion-based. Most commonly it will be a frustration. Sometimes it'll be an ambition like, oh gosh, I really want to see this happen. It might not be realistic, but ideally we'd be shooting for this. Well, that's huge. If they've revealed to you their vision of what really should happen. You work with that every time you talk to them just about. If they reveal their vision, you are always coming back to their vision and you're aligning it with yours. But even if it's, something that they're frustrated by. Often in the decision-making world, it'll be processed frustrations or hoops that have to be jumped through or slowness of a process that they wish was faster, whatever it is. But reflect back that you've heard that in some way. Have empathy for that. Maybe you feel the same way. Share that with them. if they say just drives me crazy that it takes like months to get a, basic policy changed when it should be simple, or a resource allocation then when it should be simple. You can not only acknowledge that you heard that, but say, oh my gosh, I know. we're dealing with this process from one piece and it makes us crazy. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you when you have so many more of these things that you have to deal with and still keep the faith and keep stuff moving forward. And we so appreciate that you do that. That matters so much to us. Thank you for doing that. You can do all of that with one little remark about how they're frustrated by a slow process. So you're not only listening, you're reflecting back. You're empathizing. Your validating, you're doing all of those things to help them feel heard. And the other piece is if they say something that is a new take on something, If your brain is moving fast enough in the moment you could follow follow up on it right away. But if it isn't. If you're too busy trying to keep track of 17 other things in that encounter, don't worry about it. Drop it in your debrief. That's why we debrief immediately after the encounter. So that those little things that sparked a thought while you were in there, but you didn't have the bandwidth to follow up on right that minute, not to worry. It's actually a plus sometimes. That if a lot of different things got talked about, and there was one where you were like, oh my gosh, that's a big deal. I need to follow up on that. Stick that in your debrief right away. And then, when you go to either thank them for the meeting or whatever you're doing for your followup to recap a few things. Depending on how long that follow-up is. If you have to recap, we agreed to do these three things, just rechecking that I have that right. Is there anything else you need me to be doing? let's plan to talk again in two weeks when this, next thing has had a chance to happen., if that follow-up is already kind of long, don't bury your follow-up on a brilliant thought or an insight in that same follow-up. Just do the logistical followup first, if there was a bunch of stuff that you know needs to be followed up on, shored up clarification about who's doing what, that kind of stuff. Then leave that email to do that work. And then a couple days later, Or even a day later, you can send another email. new subject line so it doesn't get lost. Hey. when we were talking the other day and you said this thing my brain just lit up with that. We were so busy talking about other stuff I didn't have a chance, but I want to follow up now. and then say whatever you have to say. Ask a question. Offer your own perspective that hopefully aligns with theirs in some way that moves it forward. But you're letting them know you heard. Because they might be feeling like dang, I laid out one of my most brilliant ideas of the year and they didn't even react. What's up with that? Maybe they weren't listening. Maybe they don't care. I don't know. So then a couple of days later, they get a separate email that says, oh my God, that was the most brilliant thing I'd ever heard. I really want to talk about that and I didn't want it to get lost in the follow-up email. Can we talk about this or whatever you have to say. Maybe you just, say, wow, that was really interesting. I hadn't thought about that that way. That leads me to a couple of other questions or a couple of other insights or another idea of my own. And you're moving the conversation forward, but you're also letting them know you heard and that you valued what they had to say. So, so important. And again, this is just a habit you develop. And if you do this often enough, it will become routine and you won't have to think so hard about it. And then the last thing is engaging and connecting with the human. I know that the purpose of this relationship is business. But relationships are between human beings and we have to connect with the human on a human level or we won't have the strength of relationship that we could have. This is also back to empathy. showing empathy for the person's problems, their worries, their frustrations, as well as what lights them up, what makes them happy. Either way. It's nice to connect over stuff that makes people happy. Kids and dogs and things they do for fun. but it can also be about things that they find challenging, that are difficult in their life. Whatever's there, but to connect over those things as another human. And that does require that you be willing to share a little bit of your real self. Your humanness. And to allow that tiny bit of vulnerability, that bit of openness. that's a part of how connection and trust are built. And if we leave that out, We will have a much less solid foundation for the relationship long-term. So. That's might feel like a lot. But as I said, it's really all interconnected. if you found that you were resonating with a lot of these and you're saying, oh my gosh, yes, this is happening. This is happening. I'm having problems on multiple fronts here. I would say the thing to start with is creating the routine. It's so, so important. And when you have it, it will be your friend. It really will. when you're setting it up, it will feel like more work. But once you've created that structure and routine and begin to create a content file and a plan for how you're engaging this decision-maker over time. Truly engaging them, not just spraying information at them, but being intentional that every touch point is engagement. That ultimately it will make your work so much easier. It is a hundred percent worth doing. The rest of the things that are really about listening and engaging and empathy and connecting on the human level. All of that is probably the work of a lifetime. Everything that I mentioned in that category is stuff that we could all do a better job of in all of our personal relationships. Right. So that's ongoing. And the goal is to become more conscious, more intentional and more competent at each of those pieces as we work on them over time. So pick the thing that spoke to you the most and get to work on that. And for sure get yourself a calendar and a routine of engagement. And that will buy you so much more in terms of moving your strategic relationships forward. Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.