Feb. 23, 2026
How Your Modesty May Be Costing You Serious Money
A lot of us, especially Gen Xers, were taught a lot of things about how important it is to be modest. Don't brag about yourself. Heck, don't even talk about yourself. We were taught to regard modesty as a great virtue.
But there's a serious problem with that when we're talking about getting decisionmakers to invest in our work. Because they need to know how great our work is, and how great we are at making a huge impact through that work. They need to know how we're leading the field with our work.
If we struggle to talk about our work as the best, most effective solution to a particular problem, and if we won't own the identity of expert on the work that we do, why would the decisionmaker believe that our work is worthy of high-level investment?
This misplaced modesty is one of the biggest causes of underinvestment by decisionmakers, and it doesn't get talked about enough.
We have to be able to claim our expertise and we have to be able to claim our best/most status in whatever construct it is true. And we have to be able to do that with confidence and certainty if we want decisionmakers to believe us when we say it.
But you might have noticed there's often a lot of stuff that gets in the way of our being able to do that. What I've observed is that when these problems are showing up consistently for a leader, there's almost always something else going on beneath the surface.
Until we get at the stuff under the surface, our default modesty behaviors are likely to persist. And to keep costing us real money, both in lost investments and under-investment.
In this episode, we share:
- The two main ways counterproductive modesty shows up in interactions with decisionmakers
- The most common sources of unhelpful beliefs that drive counterproductive modesty
- The three key ingredients to taking ownership of your greatness
- Essential questions to help you identify areas of counterproductive modesty, and to rewire it
- Why you should beware of focusing on credentials
- How to avoid a common trap that discourages us from owning our greatness
Help spread the word! If you found value in this episode, I’d be grateful if you would leave a review on iTunes or wherever you listen. Your reviews help other nonprofit leaders find the podcast. Thanks!!
WEBVTT
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You're listening to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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In today's episode, we share how your modesty may be costing you serious money.
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So stay tuned.
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If you wanna have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place.
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I'm Kath Patrick, and I've helped dozens of progressive Nonprofit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter.
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It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are, to have them seeking you out as an equal partner and to have them.
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Bringing opportunities and resources to you.
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This podcast will help you do just that.
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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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Hey there folks.
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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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I'm your host, Kath Patrick.
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I'm so glad you're here for today's episode because a lot of us, especially Gen Xers, were taught a lot of things about how important it is to be modest.
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Don't brag about yourself.
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Heck don't even talk about yourself.
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And we were taught to regard modesty as a great virtue.
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But there's a serious problem with that when we're talking about getting decision makers to invest in our work.
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Because they need to know how great our work is, and how great we are at making a huge impact through that work.
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They need to know how we're leading the field with our work.
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If we struggle to talk about our work as the best, most effective solution to a particular problem, and if we won't own the identity of expert on the work that we do, how would the decision maker ever know that our stuff is any good, or that we know what we're talking about, or that they need our expertise?
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And really, why would the decision maker believe that our work is worthy of high level investment?
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This essentially false modesty is one of the biggest causes of underinvestment by decision makers, and it doesn't get talked about enough.
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I see this problem come up repeatedly in my work with Nonprofit leaders.
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And it tends to show up in two main ways.
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The first is reluctance to say best, most about anything connected to your services and your work, which is one set of issues.
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And then there's resistance to claiming expert status.
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This can cover a range.
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At the extreme, you find yourself in constant self-deprecation.
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Actively diminishing your credentials, your wisdom, your expertise.
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You can see how that would be a huge problem.
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But a lot of times it comes up a little more subtly with leaders saying, well, I'm not the expert.
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I'm not the most expert person in this field, in all the world, and therefore I can't claim to be an expert.
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So I won't.
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Again, you can see the problem there.
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We have to be able to claim our expertise and we have to be able to claim our best, most status in whatever construct it is true.
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And we have to be able to do that with confidence and certainty if we want decision makers to believe us when we say it.
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So that they then have confidence in investing in our work.
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But you might have noticed there's a lot of stuff that gets in the way of our being able to do that a lot of the time.
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What I've observed is that when these problems are showing up consistently for a leader, there's almost always something else going on beneath the surface.
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There's often a belief or a set of beliefs that are getting in the way.
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Until we get at the underlying beliefs, our default modesty behaviors are likely to persist and to keep costing us real money.
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Either in lost investments from decision makers or in its evil cousin under investment.
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It helps to understand where these unhelpful beliefs come from.
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And there's two main ways those beliefs get programmed in.
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One is they were drummed into us, usually during childhood.
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Messages repeated over and over again.
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And the other is through our having had experiences, perhaps as children or perhaps as adults, where our subconscious decided it wasn't safe to own our expertise or knowledge or skills.
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And so it came up with a defensive strategy to keep us from being hurt again.
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I'm pretty sure that we can all think of some beliefs that were drummed into us as kids that are in this vein.
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I still have some remnants of beliefs that were drummed into me in my childhood and in my adult social environment the entire time I lived in Wisconsin.
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Of you do not brag on yourself at all.
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Not even a wee tiny bit.
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In fact, you really shouldn't even talk about yourself because that alone is self-centered and boastful.
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So there's that.
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And then there's also those experiences that were in some way traumatic and our subconscious made a decision that we're not gonna let that happen again.
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For example, I know a Nonprofit CEO who is in constant self-deprecation mode around decision makers.
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This is not a client of mine, but we operate in similar circles.
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And I have the opportunity to observe them in the room with decision makers somewhat regularly.
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And I have noticed this pattern.
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Somewhere along the way that CEO very likely had an experience where claiming and owning their expertise or their knowledge or their skills was met with a hostile challenge.
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Someone humiliated them, called them out.
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Said, you don't know what you're talking about.
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You're not an expert.
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You don't have blah, blah credential, or you don't have enough experience, or whatever it was.
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And challenged them, and they didn't have a response, and so they wound up feeling humiliated.
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When that happened, the subconscious said, don't worry, I got you.
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I will not let that happen ever again.
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And the self-defense strategy it came up with in that instance was self-deprecation.
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We'll cut ourselves down before someone else gets a chance to.
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The thing is the subconscious doesn't know the difference between the pain of humiliation and the pain of a tiger bite.
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It sees both of those as equal threats.
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So it will work very hard to keep you safe from the thing it perceived caused you harm, that it decided was dangerous.
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So when that's going on, this is some serious brain science stuff happening in the background that often we're not aware of.
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That's kind of the whole point.
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The job of the subconscious, the reticular activating system, is to keep us safe and to automate behaviors that it has decided will keep us safe.
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The tricky bit is that those behaviors are now running on autopilot.
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The subconscious has just decided, okay, that's what we need to do to stay safe.
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So that's what we're doing.
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You pair that with some beliefs that have been drilled into you for years, if not decades, and you have some powerful influences happening in your brain that are trying to keep you from owning your expertise.
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And from owning the greatness of the work that you do and the impact that it has and proclaiming it loudly for all to hear.
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It would be really nice if fixing that were a simple matter of saying, oh, well, okay, those are old beliefs.
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That's old programming, so I won't do that anymore.
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Great.
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I'll just do this other thing that's gonna get better investment.
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That would be cool.
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But unfortunately the brain kind of doesn't work that way.
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In order to fix that existing programming, in order to be able to actually own that best, most ness, that greatness, that expertise, we have to do three things.
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Number one, we have to even notice that we are resisting making those claims.
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I will tell you that that CEO that I referenced is not consciously aware of that resistance.
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That's just their default behavior.
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And their subconscious has convinced them that that's a super smart strategy.
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And it's gonna win them better, stronger relationships with decision makers that are gonna then cause them to invest because they're gonna like them more.
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The subconscious is a sneaky little bugger.
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So first we gotta notice that we're having this resistance.
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Number two, we have to uncover the source of the resistance, or sources, usually.
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There's often more than one.
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And number three, we have reprogram those unhelpful beliefs that are running the show in the subconscious.
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And replace them with something that serves us more effectively, more fully.
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That sounds simple enough.
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It's only three things.
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But here's the thing.
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It absolutely requires that we be willing to sit with discomfort and to investigate that.
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And that can be a little uncomfortable, to say the least.
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That can be very challenging.
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So we're just gonna play with this a little bit today.
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We go really deep on this in my coaching programs, for good reason.
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It's critical.
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It's foundational to the work that you're trying to do and to the investments you're trying to make happen in the world.
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You have to be able to own this stuff.
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But getting to the stuff that's in the way and undoing it isn't instant.
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It takes time.
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It takes often repeat effort.
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We tend to make incremental progress and then slip a little and then make some more progress.
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And then slip a little or uncover the next thing that's in the way, which also happens.
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So it's a process.
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But you can start now.
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And I wanna give you some ways to begin to put your toe in the water of working with this and finding some ways to improve your ability to claim your greatness.
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So let's start with that first step.
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Recognizing your resistance.
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As I said, your subconscious will tell you that there are very sound strategic reasons for not fully owning your expertise.
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It'll do whatever it has to to keep you safe, so you have to outsmart it.
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So to help identify where that resistance is happening, try filling in the blanks in the following sentences.
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I am an expert in blank.
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Or another version, I am an authority on blank.
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And.
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Our services are the best, most effective way to solve blank problem.
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Our services are superior because blank.
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Was that easy, or did you feel some resistance to claiming either your expertise and authority and or to claiming the superior quality and impact of your services?
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If you felt some resistance, that's a clue that you've got some things operating in the background that are not serving you.
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Once you've flagged it, then you can begin to uncover the sources of the resistance.
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So try this.
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Ask yourself two more questions.
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What did you hear growing up about talking about one's own skills or knowledge or expertise, or more broadly about saying positive things about yourself to others?
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What was the messaging you heard over and over as a child?
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The second question.
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Can you think of a particular instance where you said something positive about yourself and got a negative reaction?
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Maybe as a child you did that and an adult in your world, a parent, a teacher, a grandparent, a neighbor, corrected you sharply.
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Said, we don't do that.
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That's bragging.
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We don't brag.
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Or something like that.
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Or maybe at some point in your career where you claimed expertise or you claimed a specialized knowledge or skillset and someone challenged it and said, oh, you're not an expert.
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You're, you know, whatever they said, that challenged your assertion that you were expert or knowledgeable or skilled in some way.
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Think about those, write them down.
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These will be things you'll come back to and reflect on more.
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But it helps to just even begin this questioning process.
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And I could ask you lots more questions, but two will do for now.
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Now we get to identify a better belief.
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First of all, those things that you heard, either because of constant repetition or because they got embedded in your subconscious because there was a traumatic experience that made your subconscious say, this is not safe.
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We can't do that ever again, so we won't.
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Either of those kinds of things will result in beliefs getting embedded that have the general theme of it's not okay to claim expertise, knowledge, authority, to say that you're the best to say that your stuff is the best.
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All those things are really kind of tied together.
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But if you've gotten a hold of kind of where those beliefs came from, now we can take a look at identifying a better belief that's actually more true and therefore will serve you better.
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So for this, try making two lists.
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First, list out all the skills and knowledge and expertise that you have acquired in the course of your time doing this specific work.
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And in doing related work.
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If you're a Nonprofit lifer like me, you probably had a bunch of different jobs and you've had a bunch of different focuses, but there's a theme.
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Write it all down.
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All the skills, all the knowledge, all the expertise.
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And make a note about how many years you've been acquiring all this knowledge and expertise.
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Also, list any specialized education or training you've received in this area as well as any credentials.
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Now, I will make a cautionary note here because credentials can be a problem.
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Not that they're bad to have.
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If you've got'em, flaunt'em.
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But one of the things I see happen a lot is people telling themselves that they can't claim authority or expertise or high level knowledge and skill because they lack a particular credential.
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We could go on about that for a while, but I will say to you that decision makers do not care about your credentials.
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They're not gonna ask about them.
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They don't care.
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They care about do you know what you're talking about and can you help them?
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Can you help them solve a problem?
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And if you can, great.
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If you can't, they don't actually care.
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Maybe you have a really awesome credential, but if you can't help'em solve their problem, then they're like, well, whatever.
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That's not relevant to me.
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Never in all the gajillion years I have been doing this work, has a decision maker ever once asked me or anyone else in the room, what our credentials were.
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Sometimes they ask, huh, that's really interesting.
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How do you know that?
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And again, depending on the beliefs you're operating from.
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If you're operating from the belief of, yeah, I'm totally an expert and an authority in this.
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And so when they say, how do you know that?
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I proceed to tell'em how I know it.
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No problem.
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I treat it as a legitimate question of, huh, that's surprising to me.
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I'm curious how you know that.
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That's how I hear that question.
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Someone who is feeling uncomfortable or insecure about claiming and owning their expertise and authority will hear that same question as a challenge.
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As prove to me you know what you're talking about.
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That doesn't sound right.
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I don't believe you.
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Prove it.
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Who are you to be making such a claim?
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You can see how, depending on your mindset there, you can hear a question really differently.
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The beliefs you're operating from shape everything about how you respond to these essentially neutral questions from decision makers.
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So we can't afford to be operating from a place of doubting our own authority and expertise, or a discomfort in claiming it.
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Because it'll change how we respond to them.
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And then that is what causes the underinvestment or the lack of investment altogether.
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'Cause they're like, well, this person doesn't seem at all sure about what they're telling me.
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Well, I don't know.
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That doesn't sound like a super secure investment.
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Maybe I'll just hold off on that.
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So that was a bit of a digression, but to say that credentials are awesome.
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If you happen to have them, great, put'em on your list.
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But if you don't happen to have a bunch of super impressive credentials, don't worry about it.
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It's not a failure.
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It's not a hole in your resume.
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You got your skills and expertise and your knowledge some other way.
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Because you wouldn't be in the role you're in if you didn't have all those things.
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All that knowledge, all those skills, all that expertise.
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That's how come you're in the job you're in.
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So don't worry about the credential.
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Toss it in if you got it.
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The other list I want you to make is list out all the life changing impacts your services make.
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First, you just list out all those incredible life-changing impacts of your services.
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Ground yourself in that first.
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And then next level, list out all the ways in which your services impact on clients' lives is greater than most other providers.
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List out all the ways your services are more effective than most at solving the problems they solve.
00:19:08.644 --> 00:19:09.874
And get grounded in that.
00:19:10.597 --> 00:19:12.998
So you make those lists, and the longer the better.
00:19:13.208 --> 00:19:14.317
Put it all on there.
00:19:14.817 --> 00:19:20.208
Then look at those lists and fill in the blank in the following sentences.
00:19:20.708 --> 00:19:26.585
My expertise in blank is grounded in blank, stuff from your list.
00:19:27.351 --> 00:19:34.336
Second sentence, the superior impact of our services is grounded in blank.
00:19:35.143 --> 00:19:38.383
You just made the list that will fill those blanks.
00:19:38.883 --> 00:19:53.160
So already, just with those two sentences, you have set the table, built the foundation, choose your metaphor, for a set of beliefs that are going to serve you so much better.
00:19:54.026 --> 00:19:55.625
And they're a hundred percent true.
00:19:56.180 --> 00:19:58.130
You didn't just make this stuff up.
00:19:58.432 --> 00:20:00.083
You didn't yank it out of the air.
00:20:00.532 --> 00:20:14.549
You thought through, and discovered that you had these great big lists of stuff that are in fact pretty clear and convincing proof that you are an expert, you are an authority, and your services are pretty damn great.
00:20:14.970 --> 00:20:21.056
In fact, they're better than most in at least some context, in some frame of reference.
00:20:21.806 --> 00:20:26.006
And this is the other thing that I see trip people up all the time.
00:20:26.576 --> 00:20:27.925
And we just gotta get over it.
00:20:28.425 --> 00:20:44.323
When we claim expertise or authority for ourselves, or when we claim superiority of our services in a particular context, we are not saying that we are the only expert, the only authority.
00:20:44.472 --> 00:20:47.742
We're not saying we're the biggest authority in the world.
00:20:48.073 --> 00:20:49.542
We're not saying any of that.
00:20:49.542 --> 00:20:49.932
We're saying.
00:20:50.518 --> 00:20:58.627
I am an authority on the work that I do and the problem I solve, and how to do that really effectively, and really well.
00:20:58.837 --> 00:21:11.647
And the knowledge and skills and expertise and perspective and insight that I have gained through my years of doing this work and being up close and personal with the clients and learning through that process every single day.
00:21:12.008 --> 00:21:15.188
It has made me one heck of an authority and an expert.
00:21:15.688 --> 00:21:16.978
So yeah, I'm claiming that.
00:21:17.478 --> 00:21:19.817
I am not saying nobody else knows this stuff.
00:21:20.208 --> 00:21:21.557
I'm saying I do.
00:21:22.441 --> 00:21:30.010
Similarly, when you claim best most about your services, you're not saying everybody else's stuff is garbage.
00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:33.765
You're not saying that you're the best at everything.
00:21:34.204 --> 00:21:36.605
You've identified the stuff where you are superior.
00:21:37.105 --> 00:21:51.255
And I am pretty sure that I can guarantee that if you are already feeling resistance at making any sort of best, most claims at all, that you are in zero danger of going out and claiming best most at something that's not true.
00:21:51.585 --> 00:21:53.265
That is just not gonna happen.
00:21:53.535 --> 00:21:59.204
'Cause you're already fighting all that programming that's telling you not to say it about anything, even when it is true.
00:22:00.230 --> 00:22:01.431
So this is the work.
00:22:01.931 --> 00:22:03.280
And it's a process.
00:22:04.121 --> 00:22:09.661
This was a super quick introduction to the much deeper work that we do in my coaching programs.
00:22:10.111 --> 00:22:19.590
'Cause it can take quite a bit of uncovering and reprogramming to get to all the pieces that will stick around and still be in your way.
00:22:20.431 --> 00:22:22.141
So it's a process.
00:22:22.980 --> 00:22:34.980
But each time you uncover a belief and reprogram it, you're taking down one more brick in the wall that is standing between you and totally owning your greatness.
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:42.371
The reason we focus on this process a lot in my coaching programs is because, in a lot of ways, it's everything.
00:22:42.871 --> 00:23:06.030
If we can't stand in front of a decision maker and confidently declare that we are an expert in the thing we're talking about, and that the work we do is the best, most effective solution for a given problem, we're gonna have a very hard time getting them to buy the notion that investing in our work at its full value is something that is a really good idea for them to be doing.
00:23:06.530 --> 00:23:10.911
That's why this internal work is so essential and so powerful.
00:23:11.570 --> 00:23:17.590
We have to be able to stand in our own power, in our own expertise and authority fully.
00:23:18.070 --> 00:23:27.441
If we wanna engage a decision maker as a peer, and get them to see the incredible high value of our work and its impact.
00:23:28.048 --> 00:23:32.979
Thanks for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode right here on the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
00:00:00.050 --> 00:00:02.720
You're listening to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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In today's episode, we share how your modesty may be costing you serious money.
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So stay tuned.
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If you wanna have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place.
00:00:26.272 --> 00:00:39.292
I'm Kath Patrick, and I've helped dozens of progressive Nonprofit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter.
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It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are, to have them seeking you out as an equal partner and to have them.
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Bringing opportunities and resources to you.
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This podcast will help you do just that.
00:00:58.493 --> 00:01:01.523
Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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Hey there folks.
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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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I'm your host, Kath Patrick.
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I'm so glad you're here for today's episode because a lot of us, especially Gen Xers, were taught a lot of things about how important it is to be modest.
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Don't brag about yourself.
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Heck don't even talk about yourself.
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And we were taught to regard modesty as a great virtue.
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But there's a serious problem with that when we're talking about getting decision makers to invest in our work.
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Because they need to know how great our work is, and how great we are at making a huge impact through that work.
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They need to know how we're leading the field with our work.
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If we struggle to talk about our work as the best, most effective solution to a particular problem, and if we won't own the identity of expert on the work that we do, how would the decision maker ever know that our stuff is any good, or that we know what we're talking about, or that they need our expertise?
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And really, why would the decision maker believe that our work is worthy of high level investment?
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This essentially false modesty is one of the biggest causes of underinvestment by decision makers, and it doesn't get talked about enough.
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I see this problem come up repeatedly in my work with Nonprofit leaders.
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And it tends to show up in two main ways.
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The first is reluctance to say best, most about anything connected to your services and your work, which is one set of issues.
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And then there's resistance to claiming expert status.
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This can cover a range.
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At the extreme, you find yourself in constant self-deprecation.
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Actively diminishing your credentials, your wisdom, your expertise.
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You can see how that would be a huge problem.
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But a lot of times it comes up a little more subtly with leaders saying, well, I'm not the expert.
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I'm not the most expert person in this field, in all the world, and therefore I can't claim to be an expert.
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So I won't.
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Again, you can see the problem there.
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We have to be able to claim our expertise and we have to be able to claim our best, most status in whatever construct it is true.
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And we have to be able to do that with confidence and certainty if we want decision makers to believe us when we say it.
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So that they then have confidence in investing in our work.
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But you might have noticed there's a lot of stuff that gets in the way of our being able to do that a lot of the time.
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What I've observed is that when these problems are showing up consistently for a leader, there's almost always something else going on beneath the surface.
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There's often a belief or a set of beliefs that are getting in the way.
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Until we get at the underlying beliefs, our default modesty behaviors are likely to persist and to keep costing us real money.
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Either in lost investments from decision makers or in its evil cousin under investment.
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It helps to understand where these unhelpful beliefs come from.
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And there's two main ways those beliefs get programmed in.
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One is they were drummed into us, usually during childhood.
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Messages repeated over and over again.
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And the other is through our having had experiences, perhaps as children or perhaps as adults, where our subconscious decided it wasn't safe to own our expertise or knowledge or skills.
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And so it came up with a defensive strategy to keep us from being hurt again.
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I'm pretty sure that we can all think of some beliefs that were drummed into us as kids that are in this vein.
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I still have some remnants of beliefs that were drummed into me in my childhood and in my adult social environment the entire time I lived in Wisconsin.
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Of you do not brag on yourself at all.
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Not even a wee tiny bit.
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In fact, you really shouldn't even talk about yourself because that alone is self-centered and boastful.
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So there's that.
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And then there's also those experiences that were in some way traumatic and our subconscious made a decision that we're not gonna let that happen again.
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For example, I know a Nonprofit CEO who is in constant self-deprecation mode around decision makers.
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This is not a client of mine, but we operate in similar circles.
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And I have the opportunity to observe them in the room with decision makers somewhat regularly.
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And I have noticed this pattern.
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Somewhere along the way that CEO very likely had an experience where claiming and owning their expertise or their knowledge or their skills was met with a hostile challenge.
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Someone humiliated them, called them out.
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Said, you don't know what you're talking about.
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You're not an expert.
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You don't have blah, blah credential, or you don't have enough experience, or whatever it was.
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And challenged them, and they didn't have a response, and so they wound up feeling humiliated.
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When that happened, the subconscious said, don't worry, I got you.
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I will not let that happen ever again.
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And the self-defense strategy it came up with in that instance was self-deprecation.
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We'll cut ourselves down before someone else gets a chance to.
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The thing is the subconscious doesn't know the difference between the pain of humiliation and the pain of a tiger bite.
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It sees both of those as equal threats.
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So it will work very hard to keep you safe from the thing it perceived caused you harm, that it decided was dangerous.
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So when that's going on, this is some serious brain science stuff happening in the background that often we're not aware of.
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That's kind of the whole point.
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The job of the subconscious, the reticular activating system, is to keep us safe and to automate behaviors that it has decided will keep us safe.
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The tricky bit is that those behaviors are now running on autopilot.
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The subconscious has just decided, okay, that's what we need to do to stay safe.
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So that's what we're doing.
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You pair that with some beliefs that have been drilled into you for years, if not decades, and you have some powerful influences happening in your brain that are trying to keep you from owning your expertise.
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And from owning the greatness of the work that you do and the impact that it has and proclaiming it loudly for all to hear.
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It would be really nice if fixing that were a simple matter of saying, oh, well, okay, those are old beliefs.
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That's old programming, so I won't do that anymore.
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Great.
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I'll just do this other thing that's gonna get better investment.
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That would be cool.
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But unfortunately the brain kind of doesn't work that way.
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In order to fix that existing programming, in order to be able to actually own that best, most ness, that greatness, that expertise, we have to do three things.
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Number one, we have to even notice that we are resisting making those claims.
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I will tell you that that CEO that I referenced is not consciously aware of that resistance.
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That's just their default behavior.
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And their subconscious has convinced them that that's a super smart strategy.
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And it's gonna win them better, stronger relationships with decision makers that are gonna then cause them to invest because they're gonna like them more.
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The subconscious is a sneaky little bugger.
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So first we gotta notice that we're having this resistance.
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Number two, we have to uncover the source of the resistance, or sources, usually.
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There's often more than one.
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And number three, we have reprogram those unhelpful beliefs that are running the show in the subconscious.
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And replace them with something that serves us more effectively, more fully.
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That sounds simple enough.
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It's only three things.
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But here's the thing.
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It absolutely requires that we be willing to sit with discomfort and to investigate that.
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And that can be a little uncomfortable, to say the least.
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That can be very challenging.
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So we're just gonna play with this a little bit today.
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We go really deep on this in my coaching programs, for good reason.
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It's critical.
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It's foundational to the work that you're trying to do and to the investments you're trying to make happen in the world.
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You have to be able to own this stuff.
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But getting to the stuff that's in the way and undoing it isn't instant.
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It takes time.
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It takes often repeat effort.
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We tend to make incremental progress and then slip a little and then make some more progress.
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And then slip a little or uncover the next thing that's in the way, which also happens.
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So it's a process.
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But you can start now.
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And I wanna give you some ways to begin to put your toe in the water of working with this and finding some ways to improve your ability to claim your greatness.
00:11:05.453 --> 00:11:07.464
So let's start with that first step.
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Recognizing your resistance.
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As I said, your subconscious will tell you that there are very sound strategic reasons for not fully owning your expertise.
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It'll do whatever it has to to keep you safe, so you have to outsmart it.
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So to help identify where that resistance is happening, try filling in the blanks in the following sentences.
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I am an expert in blank.
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Or another version, I am an authority on blank.
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And.
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Our services are the best, most effective way to solve blank problem.
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Our services are superior because blank.
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Was that easy, or did you feel some resistance to claiming either your expertise and authority and or to claiming the superior quality and impact of your services?
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If you felt some resistance, that's a clue that you've got some things operating in the background that are not serving you.
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Once you've flagged it, then you can begin to uncover the sources of the resistance.
00:12:20.913 --> 00:12:22.114
So try this.
00:12:22.714 --> 00:12:24.724
Ask yourself two more questions.
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What did you hear growing up about talking about one's own skills or knowledge or expertise, or more broadly about saying positive things about yourself to others?
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What was the messaging you heard over and over as a child?
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The second question.
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Can you think of a particular instance where you said something positive about yourself and got a negative reaction?
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Maybe as a child you did that and an adult in your world, a parent, a teacher, a grandparent, a neighbor, corrected you sharply.
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Said, we don't do that.
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That's bragging.
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We don't brag.
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Or something like that.
00:13:06.533 --> 00:13:20.352
Or maybe at some point in your career where you claimed expertise or you claimed a specialized knowledge or skillset and someone challenged it and said, oh, you're not an expert.
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You're, you know, whatever they said, that challenged your assertion that you were expert or knowledgeable or skilled in some way.
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Think about those, write them down.
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These will be things you'll come back to and reflect on more.
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But it helps to just even begin this questioning process.
00:13:38.989 --> 00:13:42.234
And I could ask you lots more questions, but two will do for now.
00:13:43.461 --> 00:13:47.254
Now we get to identify a better belief.
00:13:47.988 --> 00:14:01.971
First of all, those things that you heard, either because of constant repetition or because they got embedded in your subconscious because there was a traumatic experience that made your subconscious say, this is not safe.
00:14:01.971 --> 00:14:05.571
We can't do that ever again, so we won't.
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Either of those kinds of things will result in beliefs getting embedded that have the general theme of it's not okay to claim expertise, knowledge, authority, to say that you're the best to say that your stuff is the best.
00:14:23.567 --> 00:14:26.447
All those things are really kind of tied together.
00:14:27.274 --> 00:14:39.183
But if you've gotten a hold of kind of where those beliefs came from, now we can take a look at identifying a better belief that's actually more true and therefore will serve you better.
00:14:39.683 --> 00:14:43.033
So for this, try making two lists.
00:14:43.533 --> 00:14:52.774
First, list out all the skills and knowledge and expertise that you have acquired in the course of your time doing this specific work.
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And in doing related work.
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If you're a Nonprofit lifer like me, you probably had a bunch of different jobs and you've had a bunch of different focuses, but there's a theme.
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Write it all down.
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All the skills, all the knowledge, all the expertise.
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And make a note about how many years you've been acquiring all this knowledge and expertise.
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Also, list any specialized education or training you've received in this area as well as any credentials.
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Now, I will make a cautionary note here because credentials can be a problem.
00:15:26.258 --> 00:15:27.518
Not that they're bad to have.
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If you've got'em, flaunt'em.
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But one of the things I see happen a lot is people telling themselves that they can't claim authority or expertise or high level knowledge and skill because they lack a particular credential.
00:15:45.732 --> 00:15:55.158
We could go on about that for a while, but I will say to you that decision makers do not care about your credentials.
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They're not gonna ask about them.
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They don't care.
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They care about do you know what you're talking about and can you help them?
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Can you help them solve a problem?
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And if you can, great.
00:16:06.203 --> 00:16:07.793
If you can't, they don't actually care.
00:16:07.793 --> 00:16:11.844
Maybe you have a really awesome credential, but if you can't help'em solve their problem, then they're like, well, whatever.
00:16:11.844 --> 00:16:12.894
That's not relevant to me.
00:16:13.344 --> 00:16:23.724
Never in all the gajillion years I have been doing this work, has a decision maker ever once asked me or anyone else in the room, what our credentials were.
00:16:24.224 --> 00:16:26.701
Sometimes they ask, huh, that's really interesting.
00:16:26.701 --> 00:16:27.841
How do you know that?
00:16:28.341 --> 00:16:32.181
And again, depending on the beliefs you're operating from.
00:16:32.211 --> 00:16:37.307
If you're operating from the belief of, yeah, I'm totally an expert and an authority in this.
00:16:37.660 --> 00:16:39.520
And so when they say, how do you know that?
00:16:39.671 --> 00:16:41.230
I proceed to tell'em how I know it.
00:16:41.471 --> 00:16:42.280
No problem.
00:16:42.850 --> 00:16:48.099
I treat it as a legitimate question of, huh, that's surprising to me.
00:16:48.578 --> 00:16:50.168
I'm curious how you know that.
00:16:50.668 --> 00:16:52.649
That's how I hear that question.
00:16:53.158 --> 00:17:02.952
Someone who is feeling uncomfortable or insecure about claiming and owning their expertise and authority will hear that same question as a challenge.
00:17:03.523 --> 00:17:06.732
As prove to me you know what you're talking about.
00:17:06.762 --> 00:17:07.932
That doesn't sound right.
00:17:07.932 --> 00:17:09.103
I don't believe you.
00:17:09.103 --> 00:17:09.792
Prove it.
00:17:10.419 --> 00:17:12.638
Who are you to be making such a claim?
00:17:13.526 --> 00:17:19.355
You can see how, depending on your mindset there, you can hear a question really differently.
00:17:19.945 --> 00:17:29.873
The beliefs you're operating from shape everything about how you respond to these essentially neutral questions from decision makers.
00:17:30.053 --> 00:17:39.851
So we can't afford to be operating from a place of doubting our own authority and expertise, or a discomfort in claiming it.
00:17:40.534 --> 00:17:42.844
Because it'll change how we respond to them.
00:17:42.844 --> 00:17:47.673
And then that is what causes the underinvestment or the lack of investment altogether.
00:17:47.854 --> 00:17:51.374
'Cause they're like, well, this person doesn't seem at all sure about what they're telling me.
00:17:51.644 --> 00:17:53.203
Well, I don't know.
00:17:53.203 --> 00:17:56.084
That doesn't sound like a super secure investment.
00:17:56.084 --> 00:17:57.644
Maybe I'll just hold off on that.
00:17:58.567 --> 00:18:03.778
So that was a bit of a digression, but to say that credentials are awesome.
00:18:03.778 --> 00:18:07.107
If you happen to have them, great, put'em on your list.
00:18:07.617 --> 00:18:12.387
But if you don't happen to have a bunch of super impressive credentials, don't worry about it.
00:18:12.597 --> 00:18:13.647
It's not a failure.
00:18:13.647 --> 00:18:15.627
It's not a hole in your resume.
00:18:16.127 --> 00:18:20.087
You got your skills and expertise and your knowledge some other way.
00:18:20.587 --> 00:18:25.432
Because you wouldn't be in the role you're in if you didn't have all those things.
00:18:25.492 --> 00:18:28.613
All that knowledge, all those skills, all that expertise.
00:18:28.702 --> 00:18:30.383
That's how come you're in the job you're in.
00:18:30.883 --> 00:18:32.712
So don't worry about the credential.
00:18:32.863 --> 00:18:34.063
Toss it in if you got it.
00:18:34.925 --> 00:18:41.875
The other list I want you to make is list out all the life changing impacts your services make.
00:18:42.638 --> 00:18:47.969
First, you just list out all those incredible life-changing impacts of your services.
00:18:48.469 --> 00:18:49.969
Ground yourself in that first.
00:18:50.538 --> 00:19:02.673
And then next level, list out all the ways in which your services impact on clients' lives is greater than most other providers.
00:19:03.173 --> 00:19:08.144
List out all the ways your services are more effective than most at solving the problems they solve.
00:19:08.644 --> 00:19:09.874
And get grounded in that.
00:19:10.597 --> 00:19:12.998
So you make those lists, and the longer the better.
00:19:13.208 --> 00:19:14.317
Put it all on there.
00:19:14.817 --> 00:19:20.208
Then look at those lists and fill in the blank in the following sentences.
00:19:20.708 --> 00:19:26.585
My expertise in blank is grounded in blank, stuff from your list.
00:19:27.351 --> 00:19:34.336
Second sentence, the superior impact of our services is grounded in blank.
00:19:35.143 --> 00:19:38.383
You just made the list that will fill those blanks.
00:19:38.883 --> 00:19:53.160
So already, just with those two sentences, you have set the table, built the foundation, choose your metaphor, for a set of beliefs that are going to serve you so much better.
00:19:54.026 --> 00:19:55.625
And they're a hundred percent true.
00:19:56.180 --> 00:19:58.130
You didn't just make this stuff up.
00:19:58.432 --> 00:20:00.083
You didn't yank it out of the air.
00:20:00.532 --> 00:20:14.549
You thought through, and discovered that you had these great big lists of stuff that are in fact pretty clear and convincing proof that you are an expert, you are an authority, and your services are pretty damn great.
00:20:14.970 --> 00:20:21.056
In fact, they're better than most in at least some context, in some frame of reference.
00:20:21.806 --> 00:20:26.006
And this is the other thing that I see trip people up all the time.
00:20:26.576 --> 00:20:27.925
And we just gotta get over it.
00:20:28.425 --> 00:20:44.323
When we claim expertise or authority for ourselves, or when we claim superiority of our services in a particular context, we are not saying that we are the only expert, the only authority.
00:20:44.472 --> 00:20:47.742
We're not saying we're the biggest authority in the world.
00:20:48.073 --> 00:20:49.542
We're not saying any of that.
00:20:49.542 --> 00:20:49.932
We're saying.
00:20:50.518 --> 00:20:58.627
I am an authority on the work that I do and the problem I solve, and how to do that really effectively, and really well.
00:20:58.837 --> 00:21:11.647
And the knowledge and skills and expertise and perspective and insight that I have gained through my years of doing this work and being up close and personal with the clients and learning through that process every single day.
00:21:12.008 --> 00:21:15.188
It has made me one heck of an authority and an expert.
00:21:15.688 --> 00:21:16.978
So yeah, I'm claiming that.
00:21:17.478 --> 00:21:19.817
I am not saying nobody else knows this stuff.
00:21:20.208 --> 00:21:21.557
I'm saying I do.
00:21:22.441 --> 00:21:30.010
Similarly, when you claim best most about your services, you're not saying everybody else's stuff is garbage.
00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:33.765
You're not saying that you're the best at everything.
00:21:34.204 --> 00:21:36.605
You've identified the stuff where you are superior.
00:21:37.105 --> 00:21:51.255
And I am pretty sure that I can guarantee that if you are already feeling resistance at making any sort of best, most claims at all, that you are in zero danger of going out and claiming best most at something that's not true.
00:21:51.585 --> 00:21:53.265
That is just not gonna happen.
00:21:53.535 --> 00:21:59.204
'Cause you're already fighting all that programming that's telling you not to say it about anything, even when it is true.
00:22:00.230 --> 00:22:01.431
So this is the work.
00:22:01.931 --> 00:22:03.280
And it's a process.
00:22:04.121 --> 00:22:09.661
This was a super quick introduction to the much deeper work that we do in my coaching programs.
00:22:10.111 --> 00:22:19.590
'Cause it can take quite a bit of uncovering and reprogramming to get to all the pieces that will stick around and still be in your way.
00:22:20.431 --> 00:22:22.141
So it's a process.
00:22:22.980 --> 00:22:34.980
But each time you uncover a belief and reprogram it, you're taking down one more brick in the wall that is standing between you and totally owning your greatness.
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:42.371
The reason we focus on this process a lot in my coaching programs is because, in a lot of ways, it's everything.
00:22:42.871 --> 00:23:06.030
If we can't stand in front of a decision maker and confidently declare that we are an expert in the thing we're talking about, and that the work we do is the best, most effective solution for a given problem, we're gonna have a very hard time getting them to buy the notion that investing in our work at its full value is something that is a really good idea for them to be doing.
00:23:06.530 --> 00:23:10.911
That's why this internal work is so essential and so powerful.
00:23:11.570 --> 00:23:17.590
We have to be able to stand in our own power, in our own expertise and authority fully.
00:23:18.070 --> 00:23:27.441
If we wanna engage a decision maker as a peer, and get them to see the incredible high value of our work and its impact.
00:23:28.048 --> 00:23:32.979
Thanks for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode right here on the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
